Divergent Zero
by autumnzipper
Summary: Set about four generations before Tris and Tobias come on the scene of Veronica Roth's Divergent, the first person in Chicago to ever display the traits of a Divergent starts on their path to discovering what it means to be Divergent. All rights of course belong to the lovely Roth. Finished the Divergent series? Hungry for more? Please favorite/follow/review!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

I have known how my life would play out since I was thirteen. I knew that when the time to choose came, I would be completely united in my choice to remain in Abnegation. The selfless life is more than perfect; it is beautiful and satisfying.

If I had paid closer attention, maybe I would have realized how that was exactly why I can't stay. Satisfaction is selfish and has no place in Abnegation.

I have never wanted to leave my family, my home, my life. I had planned to stay and try to make my father proud, fill the space he left empty three years ago on the city council. If I could learn to be as wise and selfless as he was while he lived, then I would have done all I could in life. I knew how my life should be.

I knew. I don't anymore.

When the simulation began this afternoon directly after lunch, I felt neither fear nor anxiety. I knew what the test would tell me. I knew I would remain selfless until one day I disappeared and only God remained.

I knew.

An Erudite man administered my aptitude test. He was young and dark haired. He bit his lip and scrunched his eyebrows when I came out of the simulation. I thought it was very straight forward and that he would immediately dismiss me with one word, "Abnegation," and I would think to myself, "I knew it."

I knew. I did; I knew.

Instead, he glared right through me, as if he could x-ray my thoughts and insides. His eyes darted back and forth, a look I have seen in the Erudite students when they are sifting through evidence, coming to a final, logical conclusion. He seemed to be having a difficult time. When he finally spoke, he said, "Fascinating."

I waited for him to elaborate, but he seemed lost in thought. "What is?"

"Your results. They're quite unprecedented."

"I'm sorry, I don't understand what that means."

"A precedent is an example used to justify similar occurrences at a later time."

The words pour out of his mouth like he is a dictionary waterfall. "What does that have to do with my test?"

He doesn't seem to hear me. He begins speaking to himself more than me, and turns to walk away. "I have never heard of someone having two aptitudes. I must run these again and attempt to reassess your aptitude."

And he says those words so unfeelingly, as if they didn't just completely turn my world on its side. "What two aptitudes?" My voice sounds so squeaky and small.

"Dauntless and Erudite," he says the last with a touch of pride.

I hate pride.

When he leaves, my world has gone from sideways to upside down. Not even one aptitude is Abnegation. I'm too reckless and prideful for its simplicity and beauty. And that makes perfect sense. I knew it, but I never realized it. My stomach twists and my head begins to throb. I think I might be panicking.

Why panic? It's probably just a fluke. Maybe one of the several electrodes attached to my head is malfunctioning. He'll probably come back in a minute and we'll have a laugh about how he was just joking. Erudite humor, you know. Except we wouldn't laugh. The Candor laugh and the Amity giggle and the Dauntless have a raging, raucous group laughter, but the Erudite barely smile. And laughter is self gratifying, so I certainly shouldn't.

By the time he returns, his confused look hasn't been relieved, so my hopes that he made some sort of ridiculous mistake are crushed. "I have never heard of this happening before," he remarks solemnly.

"Are you sure the test is right?"

"Positive. I thought the Erudite traits would win out when you began the simulation, but you quickly diverged to Dauntless. There is no denying you are apt for either faction. I only wish I had the opportunity to study you more thoroughly – this is a previously unseen trait."

The way he says "study" is frightening. We "studied" frogs in biology once. I know what "study" means.

He watches me a moment longer and then removes every electrode from my forehead and opens the door for me.

Free.

But when I walk home, I don't feel free. I feel like I am trapped. Trapped between what I love and what I know. I know now that I am not meant for Abnegation. The tests don't have to change my decision, but it also screams at me how unworthy I am of my decision. And no matter how much I love my family, it would be a selfish decision to stay with them. The easy thing. How could my first act as a true Abnegation member be a selfish choice?

My dream of becoming a council member has turned pitch black in my mind. Maybe it's the Erudite in me. I've heard how the search for knowledge turns to power and power corrupts. I'm not Abnegation. I'm Erudite. I'm Dauntless. I don't belong here.

Two aptitudes. I feel like there is a schism running through my chest, separating my two halves. How can someone be more than one thing? How can two opposing traits exist in one body? Am I some sort of freak? If I don't belong one place, I may as well be factionless.

How am I supposed to choose between two worlds I know nothing about? If I can't stay here, where will I go? To the Erudite schools, forever learning, growing, teaching, consuming? Or with the Dauntless hellions, the reckless and raving lunatics I watch jump off moving trains?

At home, Marta is napping and my mother has started on diner. She smiles and touches my cheek, the only touch I really ever receive. "I'm sure you've had a very exciting day, Naomi. Would you like something to drink?"

I realize she is making noodles with the plain, chemical cheese the Amity produces from I-know-not-what. That's my favorite meal. Not that I have ever told her, but mothers know. "No thank you – what would you like me to help you with?"

"You can help by sitting down and letting me look at you." My mother glances at me from the corner of her eye and winks. But the way her mouth tugs downward makes me feel as if she knows exactly what I have to face. And she knows she won't be looking at me for much longer. Faction before blood. This will all be gone for me.

When she pulled the mirror out this morning for the first time in three months, I didn't pay much attention. My reflection was too pale, too skinny, too ill proportioned to be interesting enough to watch. Dark blonde hair that can't decide if it's curly or not. Skin that acts completely its age at sixteen.

Vanity. Another weight against me on the scale for Abnegation.

My mother looks like she's about to speak again when a cry erupts upstairs. I stand without thinking to go check on Marta and leave my mother cooking dinner. I'm halfway up the stairs before I see a fuzzy tufted head toddling out the door across from my room. Walking at nine months has been a challenge for every person in this household keeping an eye on my half sister. I scoop her up, a little grey bundle of clothing and red hair and walk back down to the kitchen. The smell of clean baby hair and her soft little hand touching mine almost convinces me to just forget the simulation and aptitude test ever happened. I want to stay.

Reality kicks back in as the door slams and Jonas enters the kitchen. My step father kisses my mother's hand and then offers to take Marta from my arms, who is more than happy to go to, "Babby!" as she calls him. I turn to get the plates for the table.

My mother stops me with a hand on my wrist. "Sit down," she says gently, then goes back to dinner.

"Your mother is right," Jonas remarks. "The tests are draining. You should rest."

"It wasn't that bad," I lie without taking thought of the words exiting my mouth. Candor simply is not in my blood.

"How was work?" My mother asks Jonas. "Test day is always the busiest day of the year for cataloguing."

"There was a lot of information to shuffle, but it wasn't bad. Our Erudite volunteer complained his system was faulty and had to catalog separately from the other results."

My heart drops to my stomach as they go on trading tidbits from their day. Was the Erudite telling the truth when he said I had two aptitudes, or was the system truly faulty? Was my double aptitude just an electrical mistake?

Or was he hiding my results? Maybe so he could be the one to take all the credit when he came out with his theory on the freak double aptitude girl from Abnegation.

Jonas set the table as Marta and I watched stupidly from the side. She sipped her milk and I questioned everything I've known. Then my mother announced dinner was ready and we sat down, Jonas at the head, my mother on his right, I on his left, and Marta in her high chair between them. Jonas and my mother each took a sticky baby hand and I held hands with Jonas. My mother reached across the table and took my other hand.

My father looked up at my mother. "Would you pray tonight, Samantha?"

She nods and says quietly, "Dear God, we thank you for all that we have. Continue to assist us in turning away from our reflections, choosing to project outwards until we disappear and only you remain. Amen."

Even if I cannot stay, I want to take that with me. I may not be Abnegation, but their values will always define me. No matter what I choose tomorrow, I refuse to become my obsession.

And as I look around at my small family, my mother handing the bowl of noodles to me first, Jonas tickling Marta and hearing her squeal, I want to scream:

I'm sorry.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

I stand here at the choosing ceremony, and I know what I am going to do. I made the decision late last night to join Erudite. Part of me is desperately curious to find out why I am apt for more than one faction. I am curious about a lot of things. I dreamt once that I built a paper glider and took off in it. I'd watched an Erudite boy use sheets and sheets of paper making a glider that flew far, fast, and straight. I could put my curiosity to good use. I could learn how to make our city a better place.

I thought about Dauntless long and hard. But I couldn't be one of them. I know the tests say that I could, but I am not that brave. I have never done a reckless thing in my entire life. Their girls are as loud as their boys, and I have never yelled. I can't think of a single thing I could do among them that would make me feel at home there. I don't know how the test could say I'm apt for that.

So when they call my name, Naomi West, I will walk to the bowl filled with water and my blood will stain it crimson red.

My mother knows. I'm sure of it. The way she held my hand and didn't let go as I went to stand with the other initiates proves it.

This year, Amity will host the Choosing Ceremony. Noel Birgham, their speaker, will present the initiates with the knife they must use to pierce their flesh and pledge themselves with. I have heard the speech, in varying forms by different faction leaders, many times in my life. I have been to the past nine ceremonies, this being my tenth. Now that I am the one standing up here, I realize why so many sixteen year olds like me looked like they were about to vomit. This is not a light decision, or an easy one.

I just want to make the right one.

Initiates are called alphabetically. As I often am, I am dead last. Plenty of time to change my mind, question my decision, and feel sick.

The first initiate goes up. She's Abnegation and lives down the street from me. Her blood falls on grey stones. She does it all with a cool demeanor, her eyes calm, her mouth just slightly bent up in a smile. She must know she made the right choice.

Two, three, four, five, six, seven. No transfers yet. There are still about thirty of us, and the room has remained solemn except for the one Dauntless initiate who went fourth. She was given a whoop by someone in her faction the second her blood dripped down her palm onto the coals. The raw expression of delight thrills me, but I am not paying attention anymore.

The Erudite who administered my test is here. He has been watching me, and I feel his eyes slide over me. Another blue clad Erudite is with him, and he is also looking at me, and nodding. I feel as if I am naked and exposed. Could the Erudite have shared the secret of my aptitude test? Are they hoping I'll transfer to Erudite so they can "study" me and find what makes me tick? He couldn't have told him; the aptitude tests are private.

Don't be stupid, girl. They aren't Candor, they're Erudite and they believe that withholding information is punishable, a crime. They believe every question must be answered. I have read their manifesto. I am a question that needs to be answered.

By the time I am done considering this, five more initiates have gone. Still, no transfer.

There are two Erudite boys who look like brothers who are next. The first spills his blood in the already stained water. Remaining Erudite.

But the second opens his palm over the coals. The first transfer. Erudite to Dauntless.

After that, the dam breaks loose. Candor transfer to Abnegation. Erudite transfer to Candor. Amity transfer to Dauntless. Another Candor transfer to Abnegation.

But I am not paying attention to them. I am in the midst of a last second decision. Do I stay with my initial decision to become Erudite? Do I selfishly choose Abnegation?

Or do I escape?

There are three of us left. Both the initiates remain in their factions.

When my name is called, I have made my decision.

I am afraid. Dauntless will teach me to face my fear. I know that choosing them will be the bravest thing I have ever done because I am afraid to do it.

Now, I do not hesitate. I walk forward. I take the knife. I run it across my palm and the pain is not pain at all. It is life. I am alive, and I am brave.

I open my hand over the coals and watch the blood run down and sizzle violently.

I look up, hoping to see the Erudite, so he can know I have escaped. I am free.

Instead, I see my mother. She and Jonas watch me with somber faces.

But at least Marta smiles at me.

The ceremony is over. I walk to the black clad Dauntless intiates, along with the Erudite boy and Amity girl. There are four other transfers – three Candor boys and another Erudite boy. Seven in all.

Someone grabs my hand as the black crowd begins to move. We are leaving.

The Dauntless are leaving.

I look down at the hand, and the body attached to the hand. It's a he, and he is Dauntless. I don't know why he is holding my hand, but it forces me to keep up with the crazy pace the rest of my faction has set as we scramble down several flights of stairs and out into the hazy sunshine of the city street. Just as suddenly, he lets go of my hand as he races deeper into the crowd of Dauntless and disappears.

There is a train whistle.

I had forgotten about this part.

The Dauntless ride the train that runs through the city. And 'ride' is a polite term. They jump on and jump off and never wait for it to stop for them. Because it doesn't stop.

And now I'm Dauntless, so I need to ride that train.

"Come on!" The Amity girl tugs my grey sleeve, her brown hair whipping in a blur around her face as she runs. "Don't fall behind!"

I don't intend to. We run side by side, following our faction to the train tracks. The great black locomotive is barreling towards us, but not as fast as I have seen it run at times. I watch as the Dauntless gauge it's speed, run alongside, then hurl themselves in the open doors.

I am Dauntless now. I can do this.

The Amity girls turns to me, "Ready?"

To jump on a speeding train?

Surprisingly, yes.

She jumps in first, catching the handlebar on the car just in time, then laughs out loud as she pulls herself in. I hear her call out to me to jump, but I'm halfway there. We bang into each other with our foreheads, but that's okay – Dauntless head butt each other all the time. I've seen them do it on the playground at school.

"Ow!" She rubs her forehead as we crumple to the car floor.

I can't help it. I start to laugh. Maybe it's a case of hysterics, but it feels good to laugh.

I'm riding a Dauntless train. My head is throbbing and my palm is still bleeding. My arm is going to be bruised where I landed on it. But that's all right.

The Amity girl holds out a hand, the one that isn't holding her forehead, and consequently, it's her still bloody one. "Roweena."

I take her hand, realizing that with both our palms open and bleeding, this is very unsanitary. But I have a feeling blood will be a part of routine life from now on. "Naomi." On second thought, I add, "Nice to meet you, Roe."

Roe gasps. "I have never been able to get people to call me that!"

"It's much more Dauntless."

"Exactly the problem back in Amity." Roe sticks her head out of the car, and her hair whips back and forth wildly. "I'M FREE, B-"

Her last words are lost in the roar of wind as the train picks up speed. I have a feeling they were not very Amity-like at all. Her sparkling eyes and wild hair make her look like she was born for Dauntless. I'm sure her decision was easy. When she slid back down to the floor and let out a sigh of relief, Roe looked back at me. "You were like, on fire at the ceremony. I thought for sure you were gonna cut your hand off."

Now that she mentions it, I realize my cut is deep. Unlike hers, which was deep enough to squeeze out blood, but shallow enough for the clotting to have begun already, mine is still gushing blood onto my grey capris.

"You should wrap that," Roe is saying as she removes a yellow belt from her flowy red ensemble that consists of a long skirt and loose top. Almost on second thought, she suddenly rips the entire bottom layer of her skirt in a jagged line, revealing her thighs. "Wanted to make an entrance anyways." She sets to work binding my hand.

Everything about this Amity girl surprises me. "You're not like most Amity…"

"I'm just so happy to be here. When I got my test results yesterday, it was like I've been drowning and someone tossed me a life jacket." She knots the fabric, staunching the blood flow. "And I skipped breakfast. I get kind of crazy when I don't eat any bread."

I'm seated facing forwards, so I see them before Roe does. "They're jumping off," I whisper.

"What?" She looks out and giggles. "Oh, hell yes."

I stand and watch as the Dauntless born initiates tumble out and onto the roof of the building across from us. I have mere moments.

Roe looks back at me and offers me her hand again. "Don't be scared!"

I shake my head. "I'm not scared."

She shrugs and smiles. "Suit yourself!"

She jumps. I'm right behind her.

In that moment, I am air born. Once again, I am in my paper glider, free in the wind, claimed by the sky.

Then my feet hit the pavement and I feel my ankles buckle. I let myself fall and roll to absorb the shock. I'm realizing now how much of the Erudite in me paid attention in school. "We made it."

"Don't be so deadpan!" Roe is on her knees next to me, panting. "Come on!"

But before we can leave, I hear someone fall beside me, and the next moment, a sickening crack. When I look to my left, one of the Candor transfers is laying next to me, his eyes wide open, blood trickling from his mouth, and his neck at a strange angle. That's when I realize he's dead.

I should feel sick, or sympathy, or even a tinge of hysteria. But I don't. I don't feel anything. I don't think my mind can absorb that information along with the mass of stimulation happening around me. But I hear Roe scream. That's the first time she sounds Amity, but really, that should just sound human. Why can't I scream at death?

A Dauntless born strides over. He's tall and swarthy, and has a quite a beard already. He calls one of his buddies, "Zeb!" and they carry the dead boy between them. As Zeb passes us, he looks at me and then Roe and frowns. I realize he was the boy who grabbed my hand at the ceremony. Then he walks away and I tell Roe that I think we should follow. For the first time since I have met her, she is speechless.

The initiates are gathered on the edge of the building, the wind whipping at their clothing and howling in our ears. A Dauntless leader meets us there and congratulates us, because we have passed the first basic step of initiation.

Except for the unfortunate Candor boy, I think to myself.

Then the man does a very strange thing. He turns and steps off the ledge into blackness and falls. In a moment he is gone, and we are left staring at the empty space in the air he just fell through. Nobody moves and nobody speaks.

I know what it feels like to fall now. I know that I love it. It feels like flying and maybe it's the closest I'll ever get to it in my life.

I step up on the ledge and let myself fall without a second thought.

For a whole three seconds, I fly.

This time, I don't hit pavement, which is fortunate because I would have been dead. I fall into a net, and the net makes me bounce. I feel my brain jar against my skull and my organs flip flop a few times before settling down. Then an arm reaches through the darkness and grabs me. "First jumper!"

Somewhere in the darkness, people cheer. The arm pulls me forward and a voice attached to it asks. "So, what's your name?"  
I swallow. "Naomi."

"First jumper, Naomi!" Now that my eyes have adjusted to the dark, I can see a man, clearly older than me, with curly hair and green eyes, bright and dazzling. They seem so alive, free, and bright, like stars at three o'clock in the morning with no moon. I know because that's when I wake up every day and look out the window at the night sky.

Before I'm even off the net, someone else crashes down behind me, and by the sound of her laughing, it's Roe. "That was terrifying! I hate heights!" She scrambles to get off, still giggling. I think between seeing her first dead body and facing a fear, this has been a day to be remembered for her.

For all of us.

Three Dauntless borns crash down at once and from that hollow thunking sound, every one of them bashed heads.

By the time everyone is down, Roe has attached herself to my hand and we are following our mysterious leader into darkness.

We are in Dauntless.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

I am trying to follow the outline of the man who took my hand on the net through the darkness. The Dauntless must be half bat to navigate through the pitch black between lights in these tunnels. Meanwhile, Roe has already made a new friend and has introduced me to Simon, the first Erudite transfer. He is taller than both of us, but that really isn't a feat since I am shorter than average and Roe is even shorter than me. He has brown skin and brown hair like her, but she looks more warmed by the sun and he looks more like he is just naturally dark. I see black spectacles peeking out of his blue shirt pocket and wonder how long those will last. "Did you know Simon was in mathematics with me? Who would have thought we'd end up here together!"

I have a strange feeling about Simon. It's in the way that he looks to the side, as if he's trying to hide something, when Roe speaks. "Who would have thought it?"

I've never used sarcasm before, but I've listened to the Dauntless sometimes, and they're prolific in it. I like how it sounds.

Quickly, Roe introduces me to Oliver from Erudite, Benjamin from Candor, and Victor from Candor. The five of six transfers that made it, plus me. I counted seven Dauntless borns, so that makes, "Thirteen," I mutter.

"What's thirteen?" Roe asks.

"That's how many initiates there are."

Roe shivers.

_Thirteen birds in an old oak tree,_

_So unlucky, so unlucky._

_Thirteen birds in an old oak tree,_

_Make it twelve or say goodbye to me._

_Thirteen birds in an old oak tree,_

_We shot one down so the rest stay free._

_Thirteen birds in an old oak tree,_

_But none if you leave them all be._

I've heard Amity rhymes before. The girls like to sing them with clapping and dancing. This was a little dark for Amity though. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Some of us… I mean, Amity can be kind of superstitious. Thirteen is an unlucky number. If you have a group of thirteen, you're supposed to add or take away a person to make the number lucky again."

"Numbers are not intrinsically lucky," Simon states. It's the first time I've heard him talk. "Luck is an illogical thought process."

"You won't last long in Dauntless." The Candor boy named Benjamin pipes up.

Simon doesn't answer. The Candor boy is used to speaking his mind and Simon is used to challenging facts. Both of them will have to adjust to life here.

"So, when do you think we can go get tattoos? And I'm thinking I want to get my belly button pierced."

Roe is interrupted as our guide turns suddenly. I run right into his chest and now my nose hurts on top of everything else. When I step back, I think he's smirking, but it's hard to tell in this light. "Initiates. My name is Joss-"

"And I'm Zakiah, but you punks can call me Zak." A very formidable looking blonde and pink haired woman has interrupted Joss, and I'm not sure where she came from. "We will be your instructors for initiation." One ear is lined with piercings, and the other has a single stud. She wears a tank top, so I can see that her arms are toned muscle, and lots of it. She's my height, but she could snap me like a toothpick. When she reaches up to lean against Joss casually, the bottom of her shirt breaks away from the hem for a moment and I see what looks like a butterfly on her hip, stabbed through by a thorn. Instead of morbid, I think it's beautiful.

The way Joss and Zak touch is so casual, I'm shocked. She has her arm on his shoulder, and when he crosses his arms, he elbows her in the ribs, hard enough that it would have knocked the wind out of me. But she just laughs. "And you can get tattoos once your credit comes through," Zak looks pointedly at Roe. "What's your name, Important-Question-Asker?"

"Roe. Just Roe."

"Well, Just-Roe, you should see Danny about all your tattoo needs. He's the best artist we have."

I've just realized the Dauntless borns have disappeared into the dark, like they are returning to the blackness they were bred from. I know though that they merely followed Freddy, the Dauntless leader I followed off the roof on a daredevil jump. Will we be separate?

Joss reads my mind. "Dauntless borns and transfers will train separately. They don't have to learn all the things we will be teaching you."

So what will we be learning?

"Over the next few weeks," Zak says, "You will be trained, tested, and scored."

What's the scoring for?

"The scoring will determine your candidacy for different jobs here in Dauntless. The higher you rank, the more likely you will be to get a job you will enjoy," Zak continues.

"What kinds of jobs?" I hear Roe ask the next question that was on my mind.

"Well, we have to patrol the city, man the security cameras, we have a fire fighting crew, and guards for the fence. Leadership positions, initiate training, medical facility staff, and of course, we need people to wash our dirty dishes."

I don't laugh. I 'm not sure any of those things sound appealing, but so it is. "Lastly, the scores help us decide who will stay in Dauntless," Joss mentions.

"Stay?" I ask, the first question I voice.

"Yes. Dauntless only accepts ten initiates every year. That means three, Dauntless born or transfers, will be eliminated."

From the stunned silence, I know no one was expecting this. But I know I should have. It is a survival matter, with limited resources, and the Dauntless are survivors. "You chose us," Zak says quietly, "Now we must choose you."

"So you're saying," Victor, the dark boy with squinty eyes and jet black hair from Candor speaks, "You're saying, if we are eliminated, we will be-"

"Factionless," Joss interrupts. "Yes."

"We weren't told about this," Simon remarks quietly.

Zak looks at him, her eyes latching onto him with a strange mixture of sympathy and ire. "Would it have changed your decision?"

Simon seems used to being put on the spot. "No," he states. "But it would have been nice to know."

"You will never have all the information you need before making a decision," Joss tells us. "Choosing Dauntless may suddenly seem like a reckless decision for you. Good; you're finally beginning to understand what Dauntless is."

I hear Benjamin whisper to Victor, "Still not as bad as Candor initiation."

The Candor value truth, honesty. To pass their initiation, initiates are administered a truth serum and asked to share their deepest, darkest secret. That way, when everyone knows the worst about everyone, they are all free to speak the truth to one another, no longer feeling the need to deceive. Truth makes us transparent. Truth makes us strong. Truth makes us inextricable. I wonder what Benjamin wants to hide so badly.

My deepest, darkest secret was nonexistent until yesterday.

"Come on, Zero, let's show them where to eat." Zak pulls Joss' arm.

Zero? A nickname?

As we follow our fearless leaders, Roe and Simon chat away. Well, Roe is chatting, and Simon is listening intently. I wonder how he's doing. I think the brother he left back in Erudite was his twin. Is leaving him as hard as I imagine it would be?

Benjamin and Victor are silent, which is the first I have ever seen two Candor boys together not talking. I'm not sure if they are in awe of their new home as much as I am, or if they are silent because they have nothing to say.

"What are you thinking about?"

Oliver, with grey eyes and crooked teeth, has come alongside me. Honestly, I was thinking about the Dauntless born transfers. I'm thinking about the scoring, eliminations, available positions, and thinking that I have a lot of catching up to do. I'm thinking that I don't want to come in tenth. I want to come in first. "Nothing."

"That's a lie."

"I thought you transferred from Erudite, not Candor."

"I said that because no one is ever thinking about nothing. Naomi, right?"

I nod.

"You transferred from Abnegation."

Again, I nod.

"I remember seeing you yesterday. At the tests. You went in before I did and still weren't out when I was done."

My heart wants to race faster and my mind wants to panic, but I won't let them. "I didn't realize I took so long."

"Did something go wrong?"

"Test results are a secret," I say too quickly.

Oliver's eyebrows draw together. "I think it's pretty safe to say I know what your test results are," he says, looking around at the room we've entered. I heard Joss call it the Pit, and that is an accurate description for the cavern like hall.

"Yeah," I agree. "Pretty safe to say." Why doesn't he go talk to Simon? They both came from Erudite. They can be buddies like Benjamin and Victor. Start a club. Just leave me alone.

When we reach the dining hall, there are masses of Dauntless sitting around long rectangular tables. Well, some sit around; some sit on, and others eat standing against the wall or sitting on the floor. But every single one of them greets us with a whoop and a shout, and the few closest to us slap our backs or shake our hands. An old man with a white beard shakes my hand so hard I feel like my fingers will snap.

Pink haired Zak shepherds us to an open table and makes us sit down. I've never seen food like this before. Long pink things and flat, round, brown things. Where are the vegetables? And something smells so sweet it makes my stomach turn. It looks like it's been sliced, white and squishy like a clean sponge. I'm not even sure what to reach for first.

Simon and Roe sit across from me, and for the first time, I see Simon smile. "I don't think she knows how to eat a hot dog, Roe."

My eyes must have opened wider than the dinner plate in front of me, because both Roe and Simon bust up laughing. "It's not real dog, Naomi!" Roe giggles and hands me a red jar and a yellow jar. "Here – try one of these," she puts a long pink 'hot dog' on my plate, "Some people like them in a bun, but you can eat them plain too." She looks up at Simon. "Abnegation food must be super boring."

The red bottle squirts out red sauce, and the yellow one squirts out yellow sauce, which wasn't too surprising. The red – which Simon informs me is 'ketchup' – is all right, but I really like the mustard. I have never had something so tangy.

Joss and Zak both sit down on my right, and Oliver takes the edge of the bench on my left. Benjamin and Victor sit with Roe and Simon. I want to ask why Zak calls Joss 'Zero' , but I'm too shy to start a conversation with either of them. Just thinking about speaking makes the hot dog in my stomach turn.

But now I'm Dauntless. I can't let something stop me just because I'm afraid. "Is your name Zero?" I ask Joss.

Zak laughs and Joss latches his star green eyes onto me. "A Stiff who asks questions. I thought curiosity was a selfish trait," Zakiah poses the statement as more of a question.

Blush rises in my cheeks. "I'm not Abnegation anymore."

"No, you're not," Joss remarks, and he wipes his mouth with a brown napkin. "Part of the training for initiation has a mental component. You face your fears. Everyone has a certain number of fears they possess."

The realization is daunting to me. "You're not afraid …of anything?"

He shrugs. "Why be afraid?"

"I'll tell you why you should be afraid," Zak interjects.

Joss finishes before she can start, "Because you're gonna get eaten by a giant mouse?"

"It was a rat, and yes!"

I don't pay attention to the rest of their conversation about rodents. I'm too busy wondering what it would be like to live without fear. To never feel panic. To always be brave, confident, and strong. The perfect Dauntless. I wonder if there's a way, if I study him, if I could be like him. I am not afraid of much anyways. I don't even know what I'm afraid of. An Erudite man taking me away in the middle of the night to run tests and study me until he understands why I have two aptitudes? With the training I am about to receive, he wouldn't stand a chance against me.

I don't need to be afraid.

I need to be like Joss.

Joss gets up and walks towards the door, where the Dauntless borns have arrived and are making a ruckuss. While we sit calmly eating, the Dauntless initiates are running around with food in their hands, talking with friends, members of the community they have loved all their lives. Some of them start arm wrestling, and one of the Dauntless girl initiates slaps one of the boys. I see Joss and the boy who carried the dead Candor boy hug, the one who held my hand for a strange first minute of being Dauntless. Now that they stand close, I realize they are probably brothers. They have the same jaws. Is Zeb like his brother, a perfect Dauntless?

Joss leaves his brother to talk to Freddy, and after a moment, they look like they are arguing. Freddy stands with his arms folded while Joss' hand motions become wilder and larger. Each time Joss stops talking, Freddy just shakes his head. People must argue in Dauntless a lot because no one else seems to think it's strange. After a few minutes of that, Joss and Freddy take their discussion outside, and I am left wondering what can get a fearless man so riled.

When I look away, I notice Zak watching me. She smiles and turns back to her strange sponge food, which Oliver said is cake. I don't like cake. It makes me feel more like throwing up than I already do.

Why be afraid?

Because being Dauntless is going to be hard.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

When I wake up, the room is dark; I can barely see my hand when I float it in front of my face. There should be moonlight coming through my window. I listen to hear Marta cry.

I sigh, realizing where I am. I am in a windowless room deep in the heart of Dauntless. Across from me, Roe is sleeping soundly, and the heavy breathing above me is Benjamin. I don't have a watch, and there's no clock, but I can guess with fairly decent accuracy that it's three o'clock in the morning. I wake up at this time almost every day. I have a feeling I won't be able to go back to sleep this time.

Yesterday they told us we have to be in the training room by eight. They didn't say we had to stay in the room until then.

There was a pile of clothes – Dauntless clothes, black – on the edge of my bed last night, and I use the darkness as an opportunity to change. I saw much more than I have ever bargained for last night when most everyone changed conspicuously. I slept in my Abnegation clothes, the soft grey that smells like home, one last time. I throw the crumpled pile under my bed and slip what I believe to be the shirt on. I can tell after the first try it was backwards, but either way, it feels tight. The pants feel like they have wrapped themselves to my legs, but they are comfortable in an odd way. I leave the jacket and slip the boots on, then slowly stumble my way to the door. I slip out, hoping I wake no one up. I hear the bed in the far corner – Oliver - stir for a moment, but I shut the door and hear nothing else.

Dauntless headquarters are silent in the middle of the night. I feel like every step I take should alert every sleeping being in the city that I am walking around while they dream. But it's not as dark out here as it was in the room – soft light from the lamps guides me down the corridors to who knows where, but I am about to find out.

I don't know how to navigate these halls, but I follow the sound of water roaring until I make it back to the Pit, where the waterfall crashes to the river below, and stand beside the railing. When I feel the spray, I take a few steps back. I don't like getting wet. But I like hearing the lull of the current below me.

In the middle of the night, it's easy to feel alone. I know that would be intimidating for most people, but I like to be alone. I was rarely alone in Abnegation. I was either at school, or with my family, or working in the volunteer centers, or doing Abnegation things.

I was never alone, but I was often lonely. It's hard to have friends when you can never have a deep enough relationship to understand them; it is all about serving them, while they are trying just as hard to serve you. I guess I never really saw it that way until I stood outside. Now, even though I am completely alone in the Pit, I know I will never be lonely. Roe talked for hours last night. She couldn't fall asleep. I think I know more about her than I have ever known anyone else. I even know Simon pretty well now, enough to know that he likes math and had two dogs named Axis and Sleepy, and his brother's name is Killian. I told them about Marta. Roe left an older sister and two brothers back in Amity. I think she wanted to cry, but she was too brave to do that. Simon put his hand on her shoulder, and again, I was struck by how easily people outside of Abnegation touch one another.

"You're up late," an unfamiliar voice greets me, and I am sad that I am no longer alone. "Or early, I suppose."

When I turn, Joss' brother, Zeb, is coming down the stairs without railings that look so dangerous and fun. "Couldn't sleep?" he asks.

I shake my head.

He shrugs. "Me neither." As he comes to stand beside me near the railing, I watch as the water droplets start to darken his black shirt. "Your name is Naomi, right?"

"Yeah."

He sticks out his hand. "Zebulon. But you can call me Zeb."

I shake it warily. "Are we supposed to be talking to one another?"

He laughs a little. "What are they going to do, stick us in a corner?"

"Take away points?"

To that, he concedes and nods. "The scoring. I guess that's true. I really don't think they would do that, though. Joss might. I don't think Zak would." He smiles. "You'll really like Zak – she's a great instructor. You guys are lucky to have her."

What about Joss? "Is Joss your brother?"

Zeb's smile falters for a moment, but then he grins. "Yeah, he is."

"They said we are training separately because you don't have to learn all the stuff we do. What are you learning?"

"Honestly? I have no clue. Probably exactly what you're learning, except more advanced."

I nod. I don't know what I expected. Maybe I was thinking they got the low down on how to conquer all your fears like a true Dauntless.

Now that we are close, I can tell that he and Joss have the same green eyes, but Zeb's are darker. More asleep, more dreamy than Joss' alert, fiery ones. I can't really think of anything to say anymore, so I'm quiet as I watch the water crash.

Then Zeb leans closer, like someone else could possibly be awake at this hour of the morning, and says, "Since you're here, I just wanted to say…" he stops, as if he's trying to decide what it is he wants to say. "To warn you…"

What does he know? "Yes?"

He looks at me, and I want to fall asleep in his eyes where it is calm and quiet. I have lived as Abnegation all my life, seeing everyone but never being seen. And in this moment, I know that Zebulon sees me, and I wish that I could see him back. "I mean, good luck."

As he walks away, I can feel my heart rhythm beating desperately fast, and my mouth is dry. I tell myself to breathe, and then feel a sharp pain tickling my throat. It's closed and my cheeks are hot, like I might cry. I have never felt like that before, I have never wished that a boy would put his hand on my shoulder like Simon comforted Roe. I want him to come back. I want him to hold my hand like he did when we ran from the Choosing Ceremony only a few hours ago. "You too," I say to the darkness.

If this pain is what it feels like to love someone, I hate it. How can I go from not even knowing his full name to adoring his smile within moments? I'm afraid suddenly that I won't be able to concentrate if I'm so absorbed with this Dauntless boy who met me in the middle of the night to say, "Good luck."

I can't afford to be in love.

Not if I want to make it into Dauntless.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

I sat with my back to the barrier by the waterfall for three hours. That's when the lights started getting brighter, and I figured it was time to head back to my room. I didn't want everyone asking where I went in the middle of the night.

But I run into someone anyways. "Naomi! What are you doing up so early?" Zak ruffles her pink hair and yawns.

"I couldn't sleep."

She laughs. "You won't have that problem tonight, honey, believe me."

"You're up early too," I notice.

"I'm going for a run. Care to join me?"

I've never gone running before. I have no idea if I could keep up. But something in me wants to try. "Sure."

When I fall into step with Zak, she asks, "Are you always this serious?"

"I guess so."I say with a shrug. I've never realized this was considered serious. But I suppose it's not light and funny like Roe or sarcastic like Zak.

"No offense, but Abnegation seems really boring. I get why you wanted out."

"That's not why I'm here."

"No, it's not, is it?" Zak smiles at me as the studs in her ear catch the light and twinkle.

I'm not sure what it is that makes her say that, but it's the first time someone has taken my choice to transfer to Dauntless as if that's what was meant to be. And I appreciate it. I appreciate her. "So, what do you do when you're not training?" I thought about this last night. The trainers only have people to train a few weeks out of the year. What other jobs did they have?

"I'm on the fire control team. Mostly, we get calls from Erudite, experiments that get out of hand." Zak pulls a key from her belt and unlocks a door. When it swings open, sunlight filters in, and I breathe fresh air. "All right, normally, I do two laps around the perimeter so I have time to come back, shower and eat before work. I like to start out at a jog and work up to a sprint. Sound good?"

I have no idea what a sprint is. "Yes, that sounds good."

She takes off, and I run to catch up. After just ten seconds, my lungs feel strange and my nose burns. "Come on, Stiff! Show me what you got!"

I remember yesterday, I ran to catch up with a moving train. Now, I can barely keep up with a five three blonde. Yesterday, I had an adrenalin rush. Today, I have my pride. I order my legs to move faster. I fill my lungs with quick short breaths.

"Deep breaths, Stiff. I don't want you hyperventilating on me."

I follow her instructions. The burning in my throat doesn't subside, but I feel like I'm getting enough air now. I can do this. I can run.

That's when she picks up the speed. "Hey, Stiff, you passing out back there? I can't see you!"

If she keeps running faster, I'm not sure I can physically make my legs move that fast. But I manage to keep pace next to her, even though I know I'll regret it.

Zak's eyes are glinty in the pale morning light. "Just think about all of your fears, Stiff. Imagine them all lined up behind you, and you're putting them in the dust. You can outrun them all if you just go a little faster."

In my mind's eye, I can see the Erudite man in a blue jogging suit trying to catch me. If I don't run faster, he'll catch up to me. He'll take me to a dark room and dissect my brain with a scalpel while I'm still alive and screaming.

I swing my arms harder. My feet pound faster. My lungs take in more air, but I'm no longer gasping for breath.

I don't know how long I run, but someone puts their hand on my shoulder, and it's not the Erudite. It's Zak, and she's laughing. "I don't know what you're afraid of Naomi, but you can sure run like hell from it." She pats my shoulder and steers me back towards the door we came from. "Now I'm going to teach you how to fight it."

By the time I make it to the training room, I managed to catch a shower and eat breakfast, but I am regretting that decision. I have spots in my vision and I feel like throwing up. Roe seems upset. "Where were you this morning?"

"I couldn't sleep, so I went for a run." I don't mention that I was with Zak. I have a feeling people would think I'm trying to be a teacher's pet.

"You left me alone with four guys who were all slobbering while I was getting dressed."

"I'm sure Simon didn't slobber."

"No, but see, that wouldn't be so bad."

I don't get to ask her what that's supposed to mean because Joss is talking. He explains how testing has three stages. Physical, emotional, and mental. He explains how the Dauntless believe that preparation eradicates cowardice: the inability to act in the midst of fear. So each stage would prepare us in a different way. Today, we would learn how to fire a gun and win a fight. Each of the stages would be scored and we would be ranked according to our abilities, and it was very possible we could increase our rankings over time during the course of the three stages. He said all this while pressing a gun into each of our palms. Mine is heavy and cold.

Zak is writing our names on a heavy chalk board. We're up alphabetically according to our first name, so for the first time in my life, I'm not last. Every name with an 'I' in it has a little heart dotted over the 'I'. I never expected Zakiah to be the heart doodling type.

"Are you really going to leave my name looking like that?" Benjamin asks, obviously put out with the heart over his name. He actually has two because she topped his 'j' with a heart as well. "How old are you anyways?" He rubs his eyes as if he is still half asleep with the hand holding the gun Joss just gave him.

Zak turns and walks over to Benjamin, her chalk still in hand. She takes his gun while stuffing her chalk in his mouth, then pulls him down by the hair so she can say in his ear. "Most people see a girl like me drawing hearts on a chalkboard, they know I'm not really afraid of what people think of me. Now wake up and hold this gun like it's loaded or that's what I'll be sticking in your mouth next time."

I look over at Joss. He's smiling.

Benjamin spits the chalk on the floor and looks like he might vomit. But then he takes the gun back from Zak and says, "I'm sorry," and turns to face the targets lined up on the wall.

Joss continues. "The concept is simple: aim and fire. It may be harder than it looks, but with practice, you will all learn how to properly defend yourselves. Zak and I will demonstrate, then help you."

Zak removes her own gun from its hip holster and stands near Benjamin, Oliver, and Simon. Joss stands near Victor, Roe, and myself. They both stand for a moment, then raise their weapons, take a moment to aim, then fire. The noise of both guns firing at opposite ends of the room makes my head ring, and my nausea worsens tenfold. But in their targets, a hole now punctures the bullseye.

Us initiates look around, as if someone will tell us when we can start, but then Roe raises her gun shakily and fires. Wood splinters, and she hits the second ring …of Victor's target.

Joss and Zak both nod, and in unison say, "Again."

Everyone except me raises their arms and almost instantly fires. The sound of the shots no longer make me jump, but I'm going to be deaf by the end of the day. I am too busy trying to mirror everything that Joss is doing. Standing with his right foot slightly forward, hips width apart, arm out slightly bent at the elbow. The gun is heavy, so I support it with my left. I aim, imagining the trajectory my bullet will take. When I press the trigger, I don't hear the shot so much as feel it. My arm jerks up and back.

But when I look, there is one hole in my target. It skims red and white, but it's close enough.

"Bullseye!" Zak exclaims as she walks towards me.

"Beginners luck," Joss explains. "Again."

I do. I shoot again. And again, and again. Every time, a bullseye.

I'm not the only one. Roe stopped hitting Victor's target and is hitting at least the second row of her own target every time. Simon can fire three bullets and make a triangle. Oliver has shot the bullseye out of his target. Victor and Benjamin are showing off.

Joss has had me stand at the back of the room and shoot. I still hit the target. "You're a natural," he says, and his fingers skim mine as he takes the gun and shows me how to reload, then his hand rests on the small of my back for a moment as he says, "Good job."

When he walks away, Roe is at my side. "Woah…"

"What?"

"I mean, he's totally hot, but he's sort of scary."

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"Normally, I would say go for it, but since he's our instructor, I don't know if that's okay around here."

"I don't like Joss."

"Well, he likes you, and if I know one thing, it's guys. And that kind of guy always gets what he wants."

"What kind of guy?"

"The strong, silent type. Believe me, they're not silent down the road."

I have no idea what she's talking about. Joss isn't the one that I like. I just want to be like him. I need to be like him. And so far, it's working. "Okay, Roe."

Simon comes over and asks Roe if she wants help with her form. I watch as Roe stands in front of the target and puts her gun up, and then Simon steps behind her and puts his hand over hers. He bends down and says something that I can't hear and Roe smiles, her eyes sparkling. Roe is beautiful. The kind of beautiful other girls will hate you for. Full lips, deep set eyes rimmed with dark lashes that skim the skin under her eyelids, and dark, patient eyes. She has a calming aura about her, but maybe that is left over Amity still floating around her, promoting happiness. I don't think Dauntless should strip that away from her.

When she fires, I know something. She didn't need Simon's help. She could hit a bullseye any day. She wanted him to help, and she let him help. And I think Simon knows it too.

At lunch, I sit at a table with Benjamin, Victor, Roe, and Simon. Zak and Joss are gone, and I heard Joss say something about a meeting. And I don't really care where Oliver is. He gives me a very strange, creepy feeling. I'm not afraid of him, but I certainly don't feel safe around him.

Victor is giving Benjamin a hard time about the chalk incident with Zak, and Benjamin is blushing. I think he has a crush on the pink haired instructor. I stir my strange looking meat sauce around in my bowl. 'Chili' smells weird. I wish they had hot dogs again.

The tabletop laughter is interrupted by a girl with flame red hair and huge brown eyes who sits down next to Benjamin, "Hi, I'm Anya," she says, directly to a very wide eyed Benjamin. She flicks a lock over her shoulder, revealing three tattoos on her chest – swirling black lines on each breast, and the Dauntless symbol, a mound of flames within a circle, inbetween. "What's your name?" I remember her from the Choosing Ceremony; she's one of the Dauntless born initiates.

"Be… Benjamin," he seems to have difficulty remembering his name.

She taps the diamond studding her nose. "Look Benji, my boyfriend is over there and he's really pissing me off, so I was hoping you wouldn't mind helping me out making him jealous."

We all look over at the Dauntless born table. They're all watching us, but one in particular, a rather large guy with muscles the size of my chest, is glaring at 'Benji'. "Um, how ...what would I do?"

"Just kiss me!" She says, exasperated. She leans in.

This is the most ridiculous scene I have ever watched. In Abnegation, couples never kissed until they were married, and never in public. I never even saw my parents kiss. At school, I witnessed a few kisses, but never have I seen someone propositioned on the spot for a kiss, and have it just written off as a way to make someone jealous. I don't really know what I think of this.

But Benjamin doesn't need much urging. I don't watch for very long. I feel like I'm eavesdropping on something intimate and personal, but that's exactly this kisses opposite. I am suddenly very interested in my chili and manage to stomach a few bites.

When Anya leaves, I'm pretty sure 'Benji' is going to regret that kiss if Anya's boyfriend manages to get him alone. I hear Victor say something about Benjamin being lucky, but I don't think that's what Benjamin is. I think he's a sucker and he's going to regret it.

"Look what you have to look forward to, Naomi," Roe giggles and winks.

I must have missed something when I was staring at my bowl. "What?"

Simon looks down at Roe. "Yeah, what?"

Benjamin and Victor are paying attention too, and I have a feeling I won't like where this conversation goes.

Roe seems to enjoy having everyone on the spot, but then she just shrugs and smiles enigmatically as she takes an exaggerated sip of the really disgusting drink they serve here that's full of bubbles and as sickly sweet as their cake. "Oh, it's _nothing_."

"Tell us!" Benjamin says as he waves his fork around in the air.

"_Never_mind."

When Benjamin opens his mouth to interject again, I grab a roll and stuff it in. "She said she has nothing to say …Benji."

They all stare at me like I just did the most unexpected thing in the world. "Yup. _Zero_ input," Roe affirms with a very pointed smile, and now I know for sure what she's getting at.

Victor pulls the roll out of Benjamin's mouth, who seems really surprised at the amount of things being stuffed in his mouth today, and then everyone, including Benjamin, laughs.

That's when Oliver sits down and looks around. "What'd I miss?"

"I think the Stiff is loosening up!" Victor says.

"Where have you been?" I ask.

"Just looking around," he says as he reaches for a knife to butter a roll.

He's lying.

And I want to know why.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

I didn't see Joss at lunch, and Zak made it to the lunch room with a few minutes to spare. She seemed bubbly and flushed to me as she told us to get down to the training room. We follow her to a different portion of Dauntless and end up in a room filled with black sacks and another green chalkboard with our names on it. It looks like they moved the one from the firing range here. But there aren't any marks next to our names yet, and I wonder when we will start getting scored. Even though I know I did well at the shooting range, I don't really want to see a number next to my name. I don't want to be reduced to a numeral. Four? Six? Seven? Zero?

Joss dives right into training again, and Zak stands next to him with her hands up, like she's about to punch him. "Zak and I are going to teach you how to train your bodies to react and respond to threats, which you will need to do if you are going to survive in Dauntless. Today we will focus on technique, and tomorrow, we will pair you together to fight one another. You'll have to catch on quick, or be eliminated."

He's hardly finished talking when he turns and swings his arm out towards Zak, so fast I barely see his hand move. Zak dodges to the side just as fast, his fist whizzing past her head and ruffling her hair. "That's a right punch," he swings again with his left, and Zak dodges again, "and that's a left."

Zak swings around his arm with her own fist, wide to the right, "This is a right hook." Joss catches her hand with an open palm, and the sound is hollow as they collide, "And a left hook." Swinging wide left, Joss catches her hand again, and then they step apart.

Then Joss swings upwards from below towards Zak's face, but she stops it with both hands and presses him down. "And that's an uppercut," Joss tells us. "Use the punching bags and practice those punches."

We do. Benjamin and Simon are the tallest of us initiates, and within a few minutes, every punch they pull makes their punching bag swing away. Mine hasn't moved an inch since I've begun, and two of my knuckles are bleeding. Victor has Zak's attention and she's showing him something he's doing wrong with his thumb. Roe attacks her punching bag like it stole something from her, and she looks angry. Roe has never looked angry to me until she starts hitting something. Oliver is cycling through the punches, right, left, right hook, left hook, right uppercut, left uppercut, and he is fast. I imagine myself trying to escape the velocity and speed of those blows and shiver.

I am aiming for a specific spot on my bag, just like aiming my gun. Every time I go to punch, I imagine the explosion occurring in the chamber of the pistol I held this morning, releasing the pressure building up inside. I can't say I pack a huge punch, but at least I pack a condensed one.

After a while, Joss and Zak teach us kicks, but I can't say I'm better at those. If anything, I feel wobbly and off balance. And I'm not very agile, so I can't kick very high. I tell myself not to look around at what everyone else is doing, because I don't want to compare. But I can't help it, and I find myself profiling the strengths and weaknesses of every one of my opponents.

I shouldn't think of them as opponents. Roe is my friend. Benjamin and Victor might be smart mouths, but they haven't been unkind to me. Simon is funny, and I think I might even like him. Oliver… I can't think of anything nice to say about him. I'm fine with him being my opponent, even if it's wrong to think that way.

I realize Joss has been watching me. After what Roe was saying at lunch, I don't know if I want him to. He has a strange way of looking through you, not like Zeb, who looks at you, sees you. And when our eyes meet, he smiles and makes his way towards me. My stomach twists and turns, like a pile of noodles, and he is the fork stirring them. "Throw that punch again," he says when he reaches my side.

I was working on a left hook. He watches, then nods and says, "Try it again. This time, on me."

"Punch you?"

"Yes, punch me – you won't hurt me."

I throw the punch, but his hand bats mine away like a fly. Before I can ask him what I should do to make the punch better, his right shoulder twitches, and I see his palm coming up. I dodge to the left just as his fist slices through the air where my head was moments ago.

I take a step back and catch my breath, "What-"

"Keep your hands up," he says before throwing another punch, this time from the left.

I barely bob away, and realize that while I may not be strong or fast throwing a punch, I am fast reflexively. Then I remember what he said, and put my hands up in time to catch the next punch he throws. It deflects him from my face to my shoulder instead of catching it, and the force knocks me back a few steps and off balance. I find myself between him and the wood wall, and tense for the next punch.

It's black. Why is it black? I've closed my eyes. I open them and Joss is still standing there, and Zak is standing right behind him. Her hand is on his shoulder and she actually looks frightened. Fear looks strange on someone like her.

And Joss has one arm raised like he might punch me, but then he lowers it. His eyes seem to drift over me, then he says, "You can defend yourself fine, but eventually you will run into a wall and have nowhere to go. You need to be thinking offensively, Naomi. If you don't throw a few punches, you'll never win a fight."

His voice is quiet and controlled, but deadly. I feel like if Zak hadn't stopped him, my brain would be all over the wall. But he always seemed so calm before. I feel like I'm seeing a wild creature that lives inside of him, chained to a fence that could snap at any second. A fearless, hungry animal that wants nothing more than to destroy anything it can.

I hear a voice, and realize it's my own. "Okay."

He walks away, and Zak seems relieved. Then she looks at the rest of the initiates, and they are all staring at me. "What are you punks standing around for? Did I say you could stop?"

The sound of punching, grunting, and heavy breathing starts all over again. I'm not really sure what just happened or what I witnessed, but I'm not sure what to think of Joss anymore. I can't help but think I was wrong about being fearless. Maybe it's not as wonderful as it sounds.

When Zak and Joss let us go, my knuckles are raw and my body is sore. Simon says something about how stretching relieves the lactic acid building in muscles, but I am too tired to even want to stand up anymore. "We should go to the Pit and get tattoos!" Roe says, as if she isn't tired at all.

I don't want a tattoo. I'm trying to imagine my parents on Visiting Day in a week and trying to cover up some ridiculous swath of flames or something equally Dauntless. It's bad enough I left them. I'm not ready to oppose them or their ideals yet.

But everyone else has voiced their vehement affirmation, so I tag along and walk to the Pit. It's time I started at least trying to act like Dauntless anyways. I can't be the quiet girl from Abnegation forever.

Victor has this ridiculous idea that he's going to tattoo a third eye onto his forehead, and Roe is telling him that she has this thing for eyes. Not liking eyes – apparently, they give her the creeps. She has nightmares about giant eyeballs. I think that just made Victor want it more.

Then Simon says, "We should all get the same thing. Something small to show how we are in this together."

Oliver brushes a strand of hair behind his ear. "I'm just going to say what all of us have thought but none of us are going to say - not all of us will make it through training."

"Well, now you did say it," I answer.

"What?" Oliver seems surprised I can speak.

I sigh. "You said no one would say it, but you just did."

"Yes, I did."

"Well, now you can shut up."

He chuckles, like I didn't just try to insult him. Granted, I'm not very good at it yet. "Don't get touchy, Stiff. Those are just the odds."

"Hey!" Roe turns and comes nose to nose with Oliver. Or more like, nose to forehead with him. "You can't know that. It might be three Dauntless borns who are eliminated."

"Fine." Oliver looks down his nose at her. "It _might_, but those are slim odds."

"And you know, we can't keep thinking of them like they're our enemies. They're in this as much as we are," Simon adds.

"Can we just let it go?" Victor pleads. "I say Simon's idea is good. We need to be a team."

"I agree," Benjamin says. "It'll be like a pact. We'll all make it through together."

Roe nods. "What do you think, Naomi?"

I don't want to be a team. That's an awful, selfish thought. Even though I don't like it, Oliver is right. The Dauntless borns are more likely to make it. And I won't be factionless. And I still need to find out what my double aptitude means. I certainly don't want to be teammates with Oliver. But I'm not being very brave right now. I'm thinking like an Erudite, ends and means and odds and calculating my next move. If I'm truly Dauntless, maybe I need to be reckless once in a while. "Yeah. Let's all get eyeballs so we can match Victor."

Everyone laughs, even Oliver. But Roe shakes her head, "I have a much better idea."

As I lay down in bed, the space behind my ear is stinging where the number XIII has been permanently inked to my skin. When Roe showed me how it looks in the mirror, I felt like I'd been branded. I feel that it's somehow ironic that three of the numbers have to stand on their own, because soon, that is exactly what three initiates will be doing. Then this tattoo will be some sort of sick joke.

Or a memorial. I don't know which one yet.

"Hey, Naomi?"

I turn over. Roe is sitting on the edge of her bed, and she has a pair of scissors in her hand. I don't know where she got them. "Yeah?"

"This tattooing has given me an urge to do something else crazy. Will you help me cut my hair?"

I sit up in bed. "Why didn't you have one of the people in the Pit do it? They're good at stuff like that." I've seen some of the crazy hair styles people here sport.

"Because I want you to do it." She holds out the scissors.

"I've never cut anyone's hair before," I argue. "Besides, your hair is already short."

"Look, if I don't like it, I'll have someone fix it tomorrow. But you're my only friend here. I want to do it with you."

I've considered Roe my friend since we met yesterday. But I've never actually heard someone say it to me, and I know I couldn't refuse her now. "Okay." I take the scissors.

I have no idea what I'm doing, but I start snipping at the longer pieces underneath and work my way up. After a while, I get an idea and start cutting with a plan. In a few places, the pieces are too short, but overall, the effect isn't bad. It isn't until I'm done that I realize I was using Zak as a model in my mind. "What do you think?"

Roe looks in the mirror and her mouth drops open as she takes in her close cropped hair. If she didn't have such a beautiful face, she'd look like a boy. "I look…"

"What?"

"So badass! And it totally shows off the tat!" She jumps up and wraps her arms around my neck. "Thanks, Mimi."

"You're welcome, but don't ever call me that again."

She takes the scissors from me with a mischievous grin. "Your turn."

"No, you're not cutting my hair!" I may not like it that much, but I'm not getting a tattoo and losing all my hair in one day.

She pushes me in front of the mirror. "Look, I'm not saying you're not pretty. Be it far from me to criticize someone's self worth. But…"

"But what?"

She smiles sweetly. "You have a big forehead."

Is that all? What about my uneven skin tone that ranges from pale to lobster? What about my long face or haunting eyes? All she can say is I have a big forehead? "I'm not following you."

"Do you trust me, Naomi?"

Can't really say that I do. Not with that look on her face. But I nod, and she walks in front of the mirror so I can't see what she's doing. I feel hair being pulled away from my head and onto my face as she hums the tune to a song I wouldn't know. I hear the snip of scissors, and a few locks of dull gold fall to the ground. "Almost done."

That was suspiciously quick. But after a few more smaller snips, she moves, and the person in the mirror looks like a new person. "Ta-da!"

Bangs. With my new fringe resting on my eyebrows, my face shape doesn't look so long, and my eyes look darker. My face has… character. It's not so boring anymore. "I think… I think I like it."

Roe giggles. "You're welcome." She stares at our reflections for a moment, and doesn't stop smiling. "We don't look like Amity and Abnegation anymore."

I have to smile too. "We look Dauntless."

"Well, I look Dauntless. I think we need to put some blue in your hair."

"No."

"Ugh. Have it your way."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

When I wake up, the room is pitch black again. My body is sore everywhere: my legs are burning, my shoulder is throbbing, my tattoo burns, my arms feel like spaghetti. Three o'clock again. I wonder if I'll ever be able to sleep in.

My 'teammates' – as we are calling ourselves – were all asleep by ten o'clock, exhausted. I had no idea Roe talks in her sleep, and both Oliver and Benjamin snore. No, not snore. More like sleep growl.

I grab my clothes, change, and get up. I'm going to take Simon's advice and stretch, even if it kills me. I don't bother with my jacket again and head out. I've gotten better at closing the door without making it squeak. I don't want to disturb them – they're too tired.

When I get to the Pit, I hear voices. Several voices. But they all sound young and excited, so I don't think I'm intruding on a top secret Dauntless meeting. And when I come around the corner, I'm right. "Look, I told you she'd be here."

My stomach twists when I hear Zeb's voice, and I wonder why he told anyone I come here when I can't sleep. "What are you guys doing?"

"Our own version of initiation." The girl who kissed Benjamin says. I remember her name is Anya. "Zeb made us wait for you."

"And he was right about her being up anyways. Geez, Anya, you don't always have to be so rude." A dark haired girl with a white strip in her hair scolds the red head, who rolls her eyes and starts walking. "I'm Veronica," she offers me her hand. "But I like V."

"Naomi."

"Yeah, we know your name," A guy with almost the same shade of blonde hair as Zeb states. "You being the first jumper, everyone knows your name."

Well, that's something. I'm sure that's as far as my Dauntless fame will last. "What's your name?"

"I'm Jack. Big guy over there is Rodney," I remember Anya's boyfriend. "That's Lux," he points to a boy as black as my pupils who smiles a pearly white grin. "And Helen is around here somewhere."

"Hel!" A girl with an oddly shaved head appears from the shadows. There's some sort of pattern in the short style, but I can't tell what it's supposed to be. "I told you guys to call me Hel from now on!"

I'm being dragged down a corridor I haven't been through since both Jack and Zeb have their arms linked through mine. V walks backwards so she can talk to the guys and they're all laughing loud enough that I can't believe everyone in Dauntless isn't marching down here to tell them to shut up. "Um, where are we going?"

"You'll see," says Zeb.

I feel inclined to just believe him and let myself be swept along by this group of freeborn ruffians. They move like they know this place like the back of their tattooed hands, as I'm sure they do. We run up a flight of stairs, and come to a closed door. "Locked!" The guy named Lux swears under his breath as he jiggles the doorknob.

"What, you think I brought you guys all this way without the key?" Zeb asks, unlinking his arm from mine. I realize the pain in my chest is me holding my breath. Being in such close contact with another human makes me feel like I am about to implode, or melt, or fall right through the floor. Every second, I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something terrible to happen, and I am subconsciously tensing for it.

I see Helen touch Zeb's arm as the door swings open and the Dauntless borns all begin to file out. "Race you to the train."

I think he looked over his shoulder at me before he took off into the darkness, leaving me with Jack and V. Now, instead of feeling like I am about to implode, I want to explode. I want to claw Helen's eyes out. But I'm too busy running, listening for the click-clickety-clack of the train on the tracks, keeping up with Jack and V. I am the one he waits for at three o'clock in the morning, I want to tell her. I shouldn't be so angry. I shouldn't be so jealous.

Everyone except Jack and I have pulled themselves on the open train car, and the train is picking up speed again. V reaches out with a laugh and offers me her hand. Jack pulls himself on as I jump in beside V, but I overshoot and headbutt her. Riding the rails for the second time feels like déjà vu as I rub my sore head and look across me at a brunette laughing at her freedom. Except this one wears enough eye liner to color my face, and snorts when she laughs. It's contagious, and makes me want to laugh also.

Watching the city roll past us at night is intoxicating. I have never been out this late in my entire life. Or this early, rather. I feel like I am in foreign territory, that I have travelled somewhere completely new. A world of darkness, mystery, and new opportunities opens itself before me. I could be completely free here.

I notice Zeb is staring at me. "You look different."

"Roe cut my hair."

He smiles. "I noticed. That's not it."

I realize my hair is down, and pull it back to show him my new tattoo. "Nope, that's not it either."

"Then what is it?"

He shook his head. "Can't quite put my finger on it."

"Hey, you kids going to keep chatting, or are we jumping off this thing?" Lux punches Zeb in the shoulder, then hurls himself out the door. When V jumps, she screams something unintelligible that ended in "–mo!", and Rodney and Anya jump hand in hand. They must have cleared up whatever was pissing Anya off at lunch. Someone jostles my shoulder as they move towards the door; Hel, and she jumps too. It's just Jack and Zeb and I left, and for some reason, I don't want to be seen alone with Zeb, for all the jealousy I've felt surrounding him. I don't want to encourage myself. I need to distance myself.

I need to fly.

I jump, and the train is moving faster than yesterday. I don't make an exactly graceful landing, but at least I pull myself up after my little topple-roll. Two sets of thuds land near me, and someone takes my arm. "You okay?"

I pull my arm away from Zeb. "I'm fine." Then I put my head up as far as I can, and start walking to join the others, who are walking towards a large, dark building. That's when I recognize it, even in the darkness. The abandoned Hancock building, the tallest building north of the bridge. I wonder why we are here. Do they climb it? Or jump off it with sheets? That actually sounds fun.

"You got the key, Zeb?" Rodney asks in a deep voice that could shake trees.

"Uh…"

"Seriously, man?" Jack hits Zeb upside the head. "How are we supposed to get in without the darned frickin key?"

"Hey, Joss didn't say anything about it being locked!"

"Well what made you think they'd leave it unlocked?"

And now they're all arguing. We should go back and get the key. Well, do you know where the key is? Who has the key? What are we doing anyways?

I look around at the glass structure and realize the glass is fairly thin. I pick up a rock lying nearby, aim, and throw. All the Dauntless borns stop arguing as the sound of glass shattering reaches their ears. I use my boot to kick out the rest of the glass, leaving a large enough void for all of us to fit through. Then I step through. "You guys coming, or what?"

Once I'm inside, I realize how eerie this place is. Everything is covered in dust. The stairs look oddly spooky, and an elevator stands with its doors halfway open. I hear glass crunching as my seven new friends all enter through the makeshift entry way. It's dark, but I think the voice at my side is V's, "Nice."

"Mother freaking teabags. Are we walking all the way to the top?" Jack has an odd way with obscenities.

"Nah; I bribed one of the guys on patrol in this area to plug in the emergency generator this morning," Anya assures him. From the way Rodney is glaring at his girlfriend, I kind of think that might have been the original source of their argument. "The elevator will work."

Lux and Zeb pry open the elevator doors, which seemed to have been stuck on something, because once they inch them back a foot or so, they open on their own. "Everyone in."

"Are you telling me that thing is going to hold all of us?" Hel asks, doubtful.

"I guess we'll find out," I say, stepping inside, crammed in between Rodney and Zeb. It smells like I'm stuck in a field filled with stinky man and an abundance of cake. Zeb must really like that disgusting desert they serve here.

"That'd be a way to go!" Lux says. "Talk about a thrill. That's like some kind of sick ride on your way to death."

"Hold on folks, we may be experiencing a sudden stop," Zeb jokes as Jack presses a button on the elevator that lights up beneath his finger. Floor 100.

Air wheezes out of him moments later as V elbows him in the gut. "Not funny, Zebulon."

When the elevator starts, it moves faster than most elevators I have ridden. And that's good, or else it would take us fifteen minutes just to reach the top. This might take five. I watch the numbers above us as they blink on and off as we pass the floors.

I realize that even crammed in amongst a bunch of crazy leather clad, pierced and tattooed strangers, I feel completely at home. They may not be perfect as far as people go, but I know they're good. They're free. They're Dauntless.

And I am too.

"Naomi is kind of boring," Lux says.

"Lux! Rude!" V elbows him too.

"No, woman, I mean the name!"

Elbowing him again, she yells, "Still rude!"

"I just mean we should give her a nickname! Stop hitting me!"

"There's no way you can shorten Naomi and make it sound Dauntless," Hel notes.

"Yeah, 'Mi-mi' is about as short as it gets," I note.

Zeb laughs, "Well, what's your middle name?"

I wrinkle my nose and shake my head. "No way. I'm not telling you guys."

"You have to, or we'll throw you off the top when we get there," Jack threatens.

"Fine." I growl. "It's Thomasina. After my dad," I feel I have to mention that.

"Your dad's name was Thomasina?" Jack asks, his mouth wide.

Lux hits him so hard on the head, Jack's eyes roll. "No, fool, his name was Thomas. How stupid are you anyways?"

"You keep hitting me like that, I'll make you stupid!"

"Yeah, right."

"What about Tom?" Zeb interrupts them, then turns to me, as if asking my permission to call me something as random as that. "We could call you Tom."

Actually, I kind of like it. It gives me that last link to my past that no one can take from me. "Yeah, that's good."

"Tom it is."

When we reach the top, the second the elevator doors open, everyone rushes out like they've been in prison for a century. Except for Zeb, who gestures for me to go first with a little hand flourish that makes me feel like royalty. "Ladies first."

I try not to smile and walk out as the first blast of icy wind hits me so hard I can't breathe. We're still inside, but there is a hole in the roof of the hundredth floor that must lead to the roof. There is a ladder propped up against it, and Jack is the first one up. Then V, Anya, Rodney, Hel, and Lux. Zeb waits for me to go up, and then he follows me. The way that the ladder sways and wobbles makes me think we're all crazy, pretending to play games when we're about to fall to our deaths. The Dauntless do stupid things and call it fun. And I think I love it.

And when I stand on top of the Hancock building, a hundred stories above the rest of the world, no words can describe how I am feeling. If I stood close enough to the edge, I could pretend I wasn't on a building at all, that I am floating at the top of my little world, flying. "Mother freaking teabags."

"You took the words right out of my mouth." Jack laughs, then turns to give Zeb a hand as he climbs up. "You got the goods, Rodney?"

Rodney pulls a bottle of what I can only guess is some sort of Dauntless liquor out of his jacket. I would never have known it was there, and the idea of drinking while a thousand feet in the air doesn't sound like a good idea to me. That doesn't sound stupid or reckless or even Dauntless. It just sounds like suicide. Lux had cigarettes and a lighter, and the Dauntless sit down, wind whipping through our hair, as Rodney pops the top of the bottle. "This is your version of initiation?"

"Oh, don't be a Stiff," Jack slaps my shoulder and pulls me down between him and Lux, so I topple half into his lap and half onto the concrete. He sets me upright and offers me a puff of the cigarette he just lit. "I mean, I know you are, but you're in Dauntless now. Lighten up."

The smell of smoke makes my head spin and my eyes water. "I'd rather look around while my head is still clear, thanks." I stand up and walk away, knowing that I'm leaving my back open for lots of gossip and smart remarks. I don't really care. I'm not ready for that yet. Cut my hair and ink my skin, but I still can't cut the Abnegation out of my heart, and I can't write over years of my life in one day.

I walk out of sight of them and wander along the top of this building. The empty sky and the dark world beneath me watch me with anticipation, like I'll do something amazing. I don't feel like I have much to impress them with. Besides my test results, I am completely ordinary. I am just like every other girl who has transferred to Dauntless and wrestles to find her place in life. I have fears just like everyone else, I am finding out. I am afraid of leaving everything about myself behind. I am becoming afraid of being Dauntless. I thought that's what I wanted, but being fearless isn't the point, I don't think. I think the point is to be afraid, and to be brave especially when you're afraid. Being afraid makes you feel.

I think of Joss, "Why be afraid?" Because without fear, you are senseless. I don't want to stop feeling. I want to be awake and alive. I want to fly, and half the fun is overcoming that deep and primal urge inside that says it's going to kill you.

There's a strange looking wire running from the top of the building down. At first, I thought it was a power line, but it doesn't look like that. It's thick and black and wrapped around a mass of steel, but it isn't conducted anywhere. It's just there. The cable runs down the building at a shallow slope, but in the dark, I'm not sure where it goes. I'd like to find out for some reason.

"Hey."

"Hey," I say to Zeb. He smells like cigarette smoke, one of the worst smells in the world.

"Are you okay? I probably should have told you what we were coming out here to do."

"You don't need to apologize. I'm fine." I point to the cable, eager to change the subject. "You know what this is?"

He shakes his head. "Not really. Why?"

I'm reminded of what he and the others joked about in the elevator. Falling to their deaths, and how it would be some kind of thrill ride. "I have an idea."

"Uhoh."

I turn, and I'm blinded for a moment by all the hair in my eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You just sound like this plan of yours is going to be the death of me."

I have to grin. "Well, if it fails, it just might."

"Okay, now I have to hear it."

"Hey!" We're interrupted by the others, specifically Jack, "What are you two whispering about?"

"Come over here and I'll tell you," I shout back.

"What've you got, Tom?" Lux slurs his words, like he had a bit much to drink.

My new name wakes up a Dauntless daredevil inside of me, and now I know that I have to do it. "We're going to learn how to fly."

"Yeah, anyone can do that." V hiccups. "As long as you don't mind flying with less style and more falling."

"This cable is strong enough to support a ton of weight. All we need is some pulleys and slings and then we can hook ourselves up and just… fly down."

Lux runs his hand along the wire, using his nail against the grain. It makes a sort of zipping sound. "More like 'zip' down." He smiles. "Woah. That sounds so awesome. That'd be like the ultimate thrill ride. Everyone is gonna want to do it. We could charge people admission to the Hancock Zipline."

"Zipline," I say. "Yeah."

"Now, that sounds like initiation." Anya giggles.

"We can come work on it at night when we can," Zeb starts planning. "We could have it done by the time we finish training."

"Yeah, if the mastermind is still around by then," Hel comments.

"I will be."

I feel someone's hand on my shoulder, and I don't even have to look around in the dark to know it's Zebulon. "She will be." Everyone is quiet, and I think the idea of what we want to do is settling in. "I think Tom is more Dauntless than half of us here."

"Yeah, whatever, Zeb," Hel voices her unwanted opinion again.

I don't need a zipline to fly. I already am.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Two hours later, I'm back in my room. My hair smells like smoke and my shirt smells foul where Rodney spilt half the bottle on me. Which was probably a good thing because I was half afraid they were all going to topple off the edge of the Hancock building before the night was over. But I noticed something strange when I came in:

Oliver is gone.

I go to shower and do my best to clean my shirt, which is really the only clothes I have until I use my points to buy whatever I want down in the Pit. I just haven't seen anything I like. I've never had to put outfits together or buy something that looked different from the outfit I've worn everyday for sixteen years. I spend an inordinate amount of time staring into the mirror when I get out. Not out of vanity, I think. Now, I'm just curious to see what others see when they look at me. I try smiling, and I'm surprised to find that I have small smile lines. I don't smile that much. They must just be natural. Roe's hair cutting has done a vast improvement. I think I can live with this reflection.

When I go back, Oliver is just coming in. "So where were you this morning?" I ask, and my voice sounds sharper than I mean it to be. I can't help it – his mere presence is enraging.

"You're not the only one with insomnia, Stiff," he growls as he walks in our room.

"I'm not a Stiff, Oliver. I'm Dauntless too, just like you."

"Yeah, we'll see."

When Roe wakes up, her newly cut hair sticks out in every possible direction, but instead of trying to fix it, she ruffles it even more. Then she turns and smells me. "Naomi… have you been drinking?" She plugs her nose.

I sigh. "No, someone spilled on me. I tried to wash it out."

"Here," she pulls a black, fitted top from a pile of clothes at her bed. She went shopping last night. "Wear this until you can properly wash that. You absolutely reek. I think I might pass out."

"I was going to say something." Benjamin pops down from his bunk. "But I'm not sure what people are going to start stuffing in my mouth next."

I'm realizing that he has a pretty good sense of humor. I think I even like him a little. "We could see how well my fist fits in there."

"I'm good," he chuckles.

I look around. I've never had to change in front of anyone. I turn to the wall and strip as quickly as I can and throw the shirt on. Roe is bigger in the chest than I am, so the top sags a bit, but besides that, it's fine. Hopefully, I don't get blood all over it. But that's wishful thinking. "Thanks, Roe."

"Hey, what are friends for? And next time you decide to go get drunk, take me with you."

"I didn't go get drunk!"

"Okay, Naomi!"

When we leave to get breakfast, I see Zak with a tall dark man. He's as black as Lux, but he's grown into all his features in a way that makes him attractive to practically everyone. His hair is long and in strange braid like things I found out later are called 'dreads'. When she sits down with us to eat, her eyes are bright and cheery. "Is that your boyfriend?" Roe asks. "Cute!"

Zak laughs. "If he wants to be my boyfriend, he's going to have to try a little harder, honey."

I can tell that she likes him though. She is always lively, but this is different. She is alive. "What's his name?" I ask, and I realize I'm partaking in gossip for the first time.

"Pedrad. Vincent Pedrad. We're in the fire squad together. Seriously, don't hold out false hope for me. He's got a lot more pursuing to do if he wants me."

"He seems nice," I continue, shoveling oatmeal into my hungry mouth.

"He is nice."

"And he's handsome," Roe comments.

"Yes, he is."

"Your children would be beautiful," she continues.

"Okay," Zak stands up with a playful smile and reaches across the table to grab Roe by the hair and shoves a spoonful of oatmeal on her head. "We can play this game. Simon's a hottie too, you know."

Roe screams, but in laughter. Next thing I know, a glop of oatmeal has been splattered on Zak's cheek, and she's reloading her spoon. "Well, you and Vincent were making googly eyes at each other!"

"I can hardly get you two to pay attention you're so busy passing love glances!"

Every one of the boys looks too shocked to do a thing. Simon looks like a tomato. And I can't help it anymore.

I laugh so hard I have tears streaming down my face and my stomach hurts worse than it did before. And I really don't care that I look like an idiot while I'm slapping my leg and gasping for breath. I don't have to be afraid of what people think of me anymore.

When the girls calm down, Roe combs sticky oatmeal out of her hair, then pours water on her head and runs her fingers through until it sticks up straight. Then she looks over at Simon and plants a kiss on his cheek. I didn't think someone could turn any redder, but he does. Then she snuggles against his side and finishes eating as if nothing happened.

Joss enters and sits down with us, and everyone becomes a bit quieter. I have a feeling the rest of the day is going to be nothing like this.

"You've been paired to fight against someone. Your names are up on the board. We start in five," that is all Joss says as we file into the room quietly. After being around the Dauntless borns all night, the silence is strange. I feel like yelling or kicking something just to make a little noise.

I feel Roe's hand slip into mine. "Oh no."

"What?" My eyes skim the board and realize what is 'oh no' – Roe has been paired with Oliver. Out of all the initiates, he is the one I'd least like to fight. There's a ferocity to him that makes me wary, like he would slit my throat and call it an accident. And with him being the one who wants to voice how clear it is that some of us will have to go, I don't think he would have a problem taking out one or two of us to give himself a better chance.

I turn to Roe. "Look, Oliver may be fast, but you're small. If you can slip in his guard, you could have a chance. And remember it's harder to hit a moving target." I don't know where this information is coming from, but I think it makes her feel a little better. Not too much better, but I think it's something.

"Right. I don't know why I said that. I guess he just scares me a little. Not that I'm scared. I'll be fine. I wonder how long we have to fight."

I'm last on the board, and next to my name is Victor. I breathe a sigh of relief. Victor and I might just be evenly matched. I might even win.

That leaves Benjamin and Simon. That will be a good fight.

I hear someone talking to Zak, and turn to see that Freddy, the Dauntless leader from the beginning of initiation, is here. I believe he has been training the Dauntless borns, but maybe he has come to see how we transfers are progressing. I feel like a prideful bird raises its head in my chest and spreads its wings. I want to be noticed.

"Roe and Oliver, you're up," Joss calls out.

I squeeze Roe's hand. "Good luck."

"Thanks."

Roe steps up on the rough black mat in the middle of the room, and Oliver strides over to it casually like he's strolling on a summer afternoon. He rolls up his sleeves and looks lazily over at Joss. "Should you tell us any rules?"

Joss smiles. "Don't lose."

There is a small brown blur, and I realize Roe is taking advantage of Oliver's distraction, and she nails him in the jaw once. She steps back with a triumphant smile on her face, her hands up, her head bobbing as she waits for him to move.

No, Roe, don't wait!

Oliver touches his lip, and when he pulls back his hand and sees red, it's like something just snaps. He reaches out and grabs Roe by the hair and throws her on the floor, but not before bringing his knee in and kicking her in the stomach. When she falls to the floor, she groans, and brings herself up to her knees, but even as she does, he grabs her by the hair again and delivers a hard right hook in the side of her face. She's going to have a black eye, maybe a fractured cheekbone.

I look around for someone to stop Oliver, but Joss is intent on the fight, studying, eyes narrow and hard as he watches. Zak stands by with her hands clenched at her side, like she has watched this many times and has to steel herself from intervening. That's when I realize no one is going to stop him – Roe has to save herself or lie down and take it. Even Freddy, who stands by the door, appears distant and uninterested, like he has seen this exact thing far too many times to be moved by it anymore.

Oliver hasn't stopped. He's pinned her arms together and is pummeling her stomach. They can't let him keep doing this. He could cause severe internal bleeding, puncture a lung, damage organs. There has to be a point where he has to stop.

But Roe hasn't stopped either. She's still fighting him, but she can't get anywhere and I can tell she's only becoming more aggravated and frustrated with every blow.

"Stop," I heard Freddy's voice, and my entire body sags with relief. Simon, standing beside me, looks like he's about ready to tear Oliver's face off. "Do you concede?" He asks Roe.

Joss steps in. "They fight until someone is too weak to continue," he looks like a picture of a tiger I saw in a picture book at school. Like a predator, hungry for more blood.

"A brave man acknowledges the strength of another, Zero. Or have you forgotten?" Freddy says those words like they are the source of a deep and long feud between the two men. The way he says his misnomer, Zero, like it's a curse. He returns his attention to Roe when Joss doesn't respond. "Do you concede?"

Roe nods, and then lets herself fall on the mat with a groan. Oliver just gets up and walks away. I rush forward and put my arms under her arms and help her up. She sucks in her breath and winces. "I did terrible didn't I?"

"Are you kidding?" I try to laugh. "You're the first one of us who punched someone. Oliver is going to have quite the bruise tomorrow."

"Well, someone needed to lower his ego."

Oh, Roe. I wish it didn't have to be you.

When I get back from the infirmary, I see I've missed Simon and Benjamin's fight and Oliver has disappeared again. Benjamin didn't stand a chance, not with Simon as riled as he was. There's a suspicious bloodstain on the far wall that wasn't there when I left. I didn't think you were allowed to take the fight off the mat. Zak and Freddy are gone, so it's me, Simon – who has quite the gash in his cheek – Victor, and Joss. Then Simon leaves to check on Roe, and it's just me, my opponent, and my instructor. "Naomi and Victor. Let's see what you've got."

I feel like this could turn out bad, or really bad.

Victor is up on the mat first, and I can tell he's certain he'll win this fight. He has that look of self confidence in his eyes I wish I could master. But underestimating me is a mistake. Especially when I want to win so badly.

I step up, and hold my hands up to protect my face. I'm thinking about when he'll throw his first punch, how I'll maneuver, side step, stay up and stay fighting. But then I remember Joss' words. I'll never win a fight if I don't throw a few punches. I can't think defensively. I have to think offensive. I have to think like a Dauntless, or else, I'm not worth staying here.

Victor moves in closer and I don't think, I just attack. I lash out with my right fist, and pain shoots up my arm as my fist connects with flesh, bone, and blood. I hear Victor scream bloody murder. I think I might have broke his nose; I felt something crunch. That makes me want to gag. I see him step back and shift his balance to his back foot – he's going to kick me. And I've seen him with the punching bag; he kicks high and powerful.

So I step in as close as I can, and this time, I deliver a left uppercut into his ribcage that sends him spiraling backwards. I feel his nails slide across my right arm. He regains his balance, steps forward…

I can't hear anything. I think he hit me on both sides of my head simultaneously, boxing my ears. My head is ringing. I'm off balance. I strike out blindly, and my hand is shoved away. I have to stay up, I have to keep fighting.

My side explodes in pain and little white spots dance in front of my eyes. I happen to see Joss in the corner of my vision, watching me. His eyes ask me, "Will you concede?" but the firm line of his mouth says he would tear me to shreds if I dared to. And there is no one here to stop him. He doesn't want me to give up, he wants me to be Dauntless.

Get up, Naomi.

I see a shadow looming over me, and I lunge for it. I tackle Victor to the ground, and then throw myself on top of him. I'm not sure how I managed to do it, but I think I've knocked the wind out of him because he seems stunned. I'm throwing punches like I watched Oliver do – right, left, right hook, left hook, right uppercut, left uppercut – until I realize Victor isn't moving. When I get up off of him, he's still not moving. "Victor?" I tap his face and shake his shoulder. "Victor!"

He moans. Oh, thank God. For two horrible milliseconds, I thought I'd killed him. All I can see is the other Candor boy, his neck twisted and the blood pooling around his head. I never even learned his name. I didn't even care to know. I don't want to say I did that to someone else. Not like this. He's just like me, an initiate who chose something way over our heads.

Joss' hand is warm on my shoulder as he helps me up. "You did good, Naomi. I'm impressed."

Part of me is glad I won. The other part asks, won what? "Thanks."

He is so close, I can smell his breath. He smells like cinnamon, and if he smells this good, I can't help but wonder what he really is like. There is still that small Abnegation girl inside of me who wants to know how this big strong man with no fears works. A part that sees more than just the caged animal I've seen in glimpses. I want to see more. I know that it's dangerous.

But that's probably why he's so seductive. He touches my arm, where I'm bleeding. I'm surprised it's the only place I'm bleeding from that I can see. "You should get that looked at."

He rubs my blood between his fingers, and I feel like whatever spell I was just under fades a little. I feel like a fish in a shark tank.

I just want to get out.

I run to the infirmary.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

When I reach the infirmary, I see Roe right where I left her. There's only one nurse to attend the dozen or so Dauntless who have made it to the medical facility today in need of attention. It looks like it's mostly cuts and scrapes, but I think one man has a broken arm. He looks like patrol. I wonder what happened to him, but I'd rather see how Roe is doing.

Simon is sitting next to her. I don't think she was as bad as she looked, now that the blood has been cleaned off her face, and she's smiling, albeit painfully. "Hey," I say.

At first, Roe looks like I might have intruded on something personal, but then she smiles at me too and taps the edge of her bed. "Hey, Naomi. How was your fight? Did you cream Victor?"

Now that I think about it, I probably should have helped him to the infirmary. He'll be all right, I couldn't have punched him that hard; I'm not that strong. "Yeah, I tackled him and I think he passed out for a minute."

Simon chuckles. "Beat by a girl. He's not going to live that one down."

"What? You saying girls aren't as good as guys?" Roe asks.

"No, I'm saying that men are statistically stronger."

"But women are statistically more strategic," I counter. I remember reading about that in school when we covered a very boring section of psychology. That was one of the few things that stuck.

"Okay fine; we're even," Simon settles.

"How are you?" I ask Roe.

"Fine. I'm ready to get up and go have some lunch."

Both Simon and I instantly put our hands on her chest like we could keep her from moving. "I don't think that's a good idea!" I say, and from the look on his face, I took the words out of Simon's mouth. "You need to rest. Oliver beat you up pretty good."

"Really guys, I appreciate the concern, but you're not in my body, so you don't know how I feel, and I'm ready to go."

I turn to the Dauntless nurse for help, and she sees me waving her over. But instead of taking our side and insisting she stay and rest, she just waves her hand like, "Hey, you want to leave, fine with me; less work."

Roe smirks at us. "See?" She pushes herself up, and when Simon realizes she's not going to take no for an answer, he puts his arm under her shoulders and grabs a pair of crutches from a stack near the door. "I'm not lame, you know!" She says with a glare, and he puts them back.

I think she just wants an excuse to lean on him.

I grab a bandage for my arm and catch a glimpse of myself in the shiny metal reflection of the tray. My lip is bleeding and my hair is disheveled, but otherwise, I look fine. As a matter of fact, I look better than fine.

I look Dauntless.

As we exit the infirmary, we run into Oliver again. "I was just coming to check on you," he says to Roe.

"She's fine," Simon answers brusquely.

"I am, Oliver; it's not that bad," Roe assures him. "How's your jaw?"

I'd almost forgot about her lucky sucker punch, and Oliver touches his jaw absentmindedly. "Actually, I lost a tooth."

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Roe bites her lip, like she's completely forgotten this is the guy who was pummeling her hard enough to break a rib an hour ago. Something about her demeanor reminds me of the Amity manifesto, how when you fight with your enemy because they have wronged you, they must remind each other that the wrong is past, and you must let it rest where it lies. I have a feeling Roe has done a lot of forgiving in her life if it is so easy for her now. I wish I could forgive like that. "Is it bad?"

"No, I'm fine too," he says, and then holds out his hand. I thought he wanted to shake, but his hand is closed like he has something to give her. "I thought you might want to have this."

Roe holds out her hand shakily, and I realize she is so much more drained than she lets on. But she transferred to Dauntless because that's the aptitude she got. She is Dauntless, she will make it.

Oliver drops something red and white in her hand, and I realize it's a human tooth. His tooth. "Good fight today." Then he walks away.

I'm thinking that was uncharacteristically gracious of him, but then Roe says, "Well, that was creepy," as she stuffs the tooth in her pocket. "What am I supposed to do with it – wear it on a necklace?"

"You could save it in case you lose one of your own," Simon suggests.

"Ew, gross!"

"Stick it under your pillow," I say with a small laugh.

"Say what?"

"In Abnegation, when we lost a tooth as a child, we would put it under our pillow. In the morning it would be gone, and we would have something else instead. A treat."

"Wouldn't that be self gratifying?" Simon asks. Unlike most people who refer to everything in Abnegation with a touch of disdain like they're above it, he asks like he is genuinely curious. "Wouldn't that teach the children to expect gifts?"

"We give gifts in Abnegation," I state, and I don't realize until it's out of my mouth that I said 'we'. "Abnegation believes that if you don't serve the ones you love, you will forget them."

Roe holds up her bloody treasure and smiles. "Well, I think it's kind of cute." She winces as Simon jostles her when a group of Dauntless run by us in a hurry. "Maybe some nice Abnegation fairy will bring me some pain pills."

We all laugh and head to the dining hall.

Once there, I see that some of the Dauntless borns are missing at lunch. I don't see V or Jack or Zeb. I didn't see them in the infirmary either though, so I wonder what they do when they get beat up. Go hit a wall until they feel better? Down more of that foul smelling Dauntless liquor until they can't feel the pain anymore and come back for a second round? The only person at that table who isn't smiling and laughing raucously is Lux, who waves at me as I walk in. "Um, Naomi?"

I turn to Roe. "Yeah?"

"How does he know you?"

"That's Lux."

"Yeah, that doesn't answer my question."

I try to smile. "He's one of the guys I went out and got drunk with last night."

"You said you didn't get drunk."

She seems genuinely upset. I don't really know what to say. "I didn't. I was trying to… joke." I shrug my shoulders.

"You're not very good at it, Naomi." We sit down, and I account Roe's sudden change in behavior to the pain she is in. I can't imagine all the bruises she is going to have tomorrow.

Along with a selection of meat and strange smelling cheese, there are shiny aluminum wrappers everywhere for lunch. I pick one up and peel it open to reveal a bar of something dark. "What is this?" I've gotten used to just asking for explanations about the food now.

"Chocolate," Simon answers. "You going to eat desert first?"

"Oh sweet relief, chocolate!" Roe cries, and takes four bars off the pile. "I think I just found lunch." She tears the wrapper off of hers and sticks half the bar in her mouth and her eyes open wide, and then close as she smiles. "I think I might cry."

When I bite cautiously into mine, I can see why. I think this is the most wonderful thing I have yet to taste here at Dauntless. "This is good!" I say, not realizing how loud I say it. "So much better than that cake."

Roe's eyes narrow as she looks at her chocolate bar, and then her smile deepens. "I'll be right back." She groans getting up from the table, and makes Simon stay. "No, no; if this works, it has to be a surprise. Just wait here."

When Roe leaves, we're joined by a Dauntless born; Lux. "Hey, can I sit here?" He asks, taking the seat next to me before I can answer him either way. "Thanks."

"Hello," Simon says, in a tone that says Lux is an intruder and he'd like to know his business here.

"Hey."

"Simon, this is Lux. Lux, Simon." I wonder why Lux has decided to come and grace us with his presence. I'm also wondering if he was the one who had to beat up Zeb. After all, I'm sure that's the reason he's not here. "How are you?"

"I suck right now, actually, thanks for asking."

"Umm…" I'm not sure how to respond to that. I'm used to people saying, "I'm fine, how are you?" "Why?"

"I just don't really care for beating up my friends." He looks over at me and then nudges me with his elbow. "Looks like you know what I'm talking about."

I touch my split lip and shiver. "Yeah. Who'd you put in the infirmary?"

"V. She's not that bad. I stayed away from her face. You know. I figured that's the least I could do."

"Jack and Zeb aren't here either."

"Yeah, Hel gave Jack a run for his money. But he drank too much last night. Had a bit of a hangover. He'll pop back and do better tomorrow." He looks at me like he's afraid of hurting me. "Zeb was up against Rodney."

Rodney is the kind of guy you know is going to make it into Dauntless. Nobody is beating him up. "Ouch."

Lux grunts and then chuckles. "Yeah, that's what he said."

We're joined by Benjamin who sits down on the other side of me, holding an ice pack to his eye. He switches it back and forth because both eyes have shiners. "Who's your new friend, Naomi?"

I introduce them by the time Roe comes back, who looks at Lux with surprise, but sits down again with us, and she can't seem to help being able to smile.

Simon ruffles her short hair. "So, what were you up to?"

"Well, if it's a success, you'll find out at dinner tonight."

None of us get to ask any more questions because Zak runs in the dining hall. "I need every available person to get to the fire control and help me!" She looks pointedly at the initiates, Dauntless born and transfers alike. "Not you guys. Sorry." She looks around at the Dauntless who are pushing back their chairs in a hurry and running out the door. "Come on, come on! There's a fire in Abnegation! We need help!"

At the sound of my former faction, every nerve in my body begins to prickle. I'm up from the table and running to Zak before my brain follows what my body is doing.

Zak stops me. "I said no transfers. Sorry, Naomi, but that means you too."

"But my family is there!"

"Stay here," she yells at me, her eyes dark and her tone firm. And then she's gone, swept up by the crowd.

And I am left standing in their wake.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I don't stand there for very long. I refuse to take no for an answer. I melt into the Dauntless around me and follow the stream of black clothed persons. I realize that I have no idea what to do, I have never fought a fire before, but I am not staying here while my old faction goes up in flames. That's the least Dauntless thing I could do.

"Take the train!" I hear someone yell, and I recognize Zak's guy friend Vincent. "We already sent out both the trucks!"

Someone shoves open a door and we all file through like a stampede of black bees, running to the tracks. I hear the train whistle in the distance. It will be another five minutes before the train makes it here. The ride to Abnegation will take at least fifteen. Twenty minutes is too long. How much damage has been done already? How did it start? Why is this happening?

Someone grabs my arm, and I turn to find Benjamin and Lux standing behind me. "Roe made us go after you," Benjamin explains. "We weren't going to let you go by yourself."

"I'm not by myself," I say, gesturing to the crowd we're in. Almost every Dauntless member is yelling something, asking for information about the fire. Where did it start? How much has been burned? Do we know the cause? What's the danger to the other factions? I can't remember the last time there was a fire in the city.

"We weren't going to let you go out and have all the fun, Tom," Lux uses my name and winks. Benjamin looks confused, but neither of us offer an explanation, and he doesn't ask. "You know anything about fighting fires?"

"Um, don't get burned?"

"Close – don't get cocky. My uncle was a fire fighter."

I note the past tense. "I'm sorry."

"Someone has to do it."

Now that Lux has mentioned it though, I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm being reckless, dashing into danger just because I want to and because I want to defend the people in Abnegation. Is that being Dauntless, or is that just being stupid?

"What are you guys doing here?"

We all turn to look up at a very angry looking Joss. "I said, what are you guys doing here? You're not supposed to be out of Dauntless headquarters without an escort."

"What do you call this?" I gesture around to the twenty or so Dauntless that are all waiting for the train. I realize my blatant attitude will probably just anger him more, but I'm tired of being careful of what I say.

"You guys are just going to get yourselves killed."

"We want the chance to be Dauntless," Benjamin adds. "Let us help."

"You'll get your chance in the next few weeks," he insists. "Now get inside."

Lux and Benjamin look defeated, but my feet feel like they've grown roots deeper than an oak's. I'm not moving. "No."

"Don't argue with me, Naomi."

I can see the train coming, and a Dauntless farther down hops on. "Fine. I won't." I turn and run towards the train, barreling down the tracks to meet me. When it is a few yards away, I turn and start running back again, wait until an open car passes, and jump inside. This time, I don't crash into anyone and I don't fall. I stand, swaying, and then find my balance.

I turn, and Joss has jumped in behind me. When he catches my eye, he says, "Just stay out of the way," and then walks away.

"Naomi!" I look out the door and Lux and Benjamin are running to catch up. I put my arm out, and Benjamin jumps in first. Lux follows him without my help.

And now we're on our way.

I can see the black smoke in the distance, like a very angry cloud, growing on the horizon. Little bits of yellow lick up along the skyline. I think of how fire starts as a spark, and am amazed at how something so small can grow to devour a city if it is let go. That can either be devastating or inspiring. It all depends on what the spark is made of.

A Dauntless woman is talking to Joss, and he turns to us. "We're using a water reservoir from the Candor section to put out the flames. We need people to ferry water in between – you'll help with that, and only that. Do you understand?"

We all nod our heads. I'm not sure how we will 'ferry' this water, but at least it's something. That's all that I ask.

"You'll jump out in Candor, help, then come back when the other Dauntless members leave. If I find out you go where you're not supposed to, I'll have you eliminated on the spot, no questions asked. Is that clear?"

I understand perfectly. The factions mix as little as possible. And with Benjamin having to go back to the territory of his old faction, this situation is risky. "Yes."

"Then go."

The other Dauntless are jumping off. I'm guessing whoever is not helping with the reservoir will go straight to Abnegation. Maybe this is best. Maybe going back would just make me feel even worse than I already do. Better to help from afar than not at all.

When Lux and Benjamin and I reach the water reservoir, we enter what is like a giant, emergency relay race. I run to the reservoir where a Dauntless man covered in so many tattoos I can't see his skin hands me a bucket of water. I run two city blocks where another Dauntless man meets me and takes my bucket. I have tried not to slosh the water everywhere, but it's hard. He gives me an empty one with a slight nod. Then I run back. I am helping put out a fire. By running back and forth with water buckets. I don't know how much my little is really doing.

I hear a roar, and the explosion of glass onto cement. Somewhere, people scream. When I look up into the windows of the homes I am running past, I realize the Candor are watching us as we run back and forth, trying to save Abnegation. None of them come out to help ferry water.

I set the empty bucket down and take a full one. Other Dauntless zip past me, faster and stronger. I see Benjamin carry two at a time. Lux carries four, two in each hand. My lungs hurt and my feet hurt, but I don't care. When I reach the next Dauntless who reaches for my bucket, I ask, "How is it?"

"Nearly out," her answer is brusque. She looks tame for a Dauntless, with straw colored hair and a patch over one eye.

When I run back this time, I have lost count of how many buckets I have carried. My arms hate me and my fingers feel like the handles of a metal bucket are cutting into them even when my hands are empty. But then the Dauntless man who fills the buckets holds up a hand and looks across the horizon. Then he nods his head. "I think they've put it out."

Relief fills my chest. But only for a moment. Was anyone hurt? Have any of my old friends died? What about my family? "How can you tell?"

He smiles. "Because no one is coming back to get water anymore. You're the last one."

I look around and blush. He's right. I'm last. But they were supposed to come back and get on the train now. "Where are they?"

"Train is too fast here in Candor. Can't get on very well. We'll go to Abnegation, join the others, and ride the train back from there." He eyes me. "You're a transfer, aren't you?"

I wonder if I'm going to get in trouble, but I nod. "Yes."

"Abnegation?"  
"Yes."

"Brave of you."

"Thank you."

I see Benjamin and Lux a few blocks away and they're waving at us. "Come on! The train is coming!" I can't tell which one said it, but I start running. When I catch up with them, they lead me to where the other Dauntless stand admiring their workmanship. A whole city block. Gone. But they see victory. The fire is out. And no one was killed, apparently.

But there are injured. I hear a familiar voice crying for a medic, and turn to see Zak. She's standing over Vincent, and he's covering his face and moaning. A sleek car pulls up, and I recognize the Erudite vehicles. Three women and two men get out, and they all look like doctors. The Erudite weren't there for the fire, but they'll take care of the wounded. They know how to fix things.

I remember Joss' warning, and realize we should leave. Standing here any longer not only puts us at risk of being eliminated, but makes the chances of my family seeing me grow. "Which way to the train?"

"This way!" Benjamin points and takes off. I think he looks alive, like he has had his first taste of Dauntless, and he's found just how much he loves it. I don't blame him. We may not have done much, but we did something.

He's four yards in front of us, but I feel the blast scorch my skin like opening an oven too quickly when all the heat rushes out. It knocks me backwards, and I feel my skull strike the pavement, and then, the world is black.

Black and hot.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

When I wake up, I can't feel anything. That's probably more frightening than being in pain. There is a bright light over my head and when I try to move, I'm tied down. The image of the Erudite man coming in with a scalpel fills my mind, and I start to panic, pulling frantically at my restraints.

Rough hands settle over mine. "Calm down. You've been sedated. It will take you a moment to adjust."

I know that voice. That's Joss' voice. It doesn't make me feel better, but I listen. I don't have the energy to resist him. "What happened?"

There is a sigh. "I told all of you to stay behind."

Then I remember. I can see a wall of fire swallow Benjamin up. If my hands were free, I would use them to cover my face so Joss can't see me cry. But I swallow the stinging in my throat and struggle to keep it together. I turn my face away from the bright light I've been fixed to since I opened my eyes and see him standing there. There is no sympathy in his eyes. "Is Benjamin all right?"

"There isn't even enough of a body to take back to Dauntless, Naomi."

The image of the Candor boy with a broken neck floats into my mind. I couldn't cry for him. I want to cry for Benjamin. But I know that I won't. Not yet. "What about Lux? Is he okay?" He was standing beside me. I can't imagine his injuries are worse than mine. Whatever they are.

"He's already back in Dauntless." Relief sweeps over me. "He was farther from the blast then you were."

"Why did the building blow up like that?"

"If you had known anything about fires, you would have known what to watch out for," his tone

is accusatory, with good reason.

"Why am I here?" I struggle to release my hands again. "Why am I tied up?"

"It's for your own good. You have a concussion and the Erudites want to keep you overnight before moving you. They're not sure your condition has 'stabilized'."

"No!" I am practically screaming, and I feel the panic in my mind that I had to fight down at the Choosing Ceremony rising again in every corner of my mind and threatening to take over my senses entirely. "Please. Take me back to Dauntless," I manage to sound calmer this time, but the frantic feeling in my chest has not alleviated.

An Erudite man enters the room, and I realize the walls are actually hanging sheets. This is a hospital, and there must be many other patients in the same room as me, but I can't see them. I have never been in a hospital before. I have never been in Erudite before. But I don't want to be here. This Erudite has dark hair and is young, like the one who administered my test, and even though I know they are not the same man, I want to scream and run away. The Erudite knows who I am. He can't find me here. He can't tell my secret.

But I can't run. I'm tied down to a hospital bed and I have a concussion. Don't some people with concussions hallucinate? I can't remember. Maybe none of this is real.

The second the needle punctures my arm, I know it is real. "What are you doing?" I try to jerk my arm away, but I only succeed in making the needle move and stir the veins in my arm, which is actually more painful than getting my ears boxed by Victor. "Stop!"

"Please hold her down," the Erudite says to Joss. "I need to take a blood sample."

Joss doesn't hold me down. He turns and says, "Calm down! Now!"

He doesn't understand why I'm afraid. He doesn't even understand fear, period. Why should I listen to him?

I have read every faction manifesto, haven't I? What does Dauntless say about fear?

We believe in acknowledging fear and the extent to which it rules us.

I won't let my fear rule me. Even if I am putting myself in harm's way to do so. I calm down. I don't want to, and I am still afraid, but I force my body to stop moving and watch as the needle drains a vial full of blood. "What are you doing with that?"

The Erudite doesn't answer me as he withdraws the needle from my arm and applies light pressure to the puncture for a moment before leaving wordlessly. "What are you doing?!" I cry out after him.

"He's just running tests, Naomi. What has gotten you so riled?"

What's gotten me riled? I just watched my friend get blown up in a fire I insisted we go and fight. I've been taken to Erudite, the last place in the city I should be right now. I'm strapped in a bed and the Erudite are running tests on my blood. Every single thing that could be bad has happened to me, and I have been in Dauntless for two days. "I want to go back to Dauntless."

Joss' eyes meet mine, and what I see there is strange. His face has no telling signs, no curling lip, or drawn brows, but his eyes are pure cruelty. I have never seen someone look so vicious. "I was going to insist on moving you back since you're an initiate and they'd have to comply. But I'm curious to see what it is that frightens you so much about the Erudite."

His words are raw, like there is no filter on his words between his brain and his mouth. And then I understand. Joss can't feel fear, he doesn't understand it. To see it in someone else must be fascinating. In order to feel fear, he must live vicariously through others, and feed off their own terrors. Now that he knows I am afraid of the Erudites, he will leave me here, just to see how I will react. Just to see the fear in my eyes. To hear me cry or scream or beg for mercy. "Please, Joss," I don't think reasoning with him will work, but I can't let him leave me here. "Take me back to Dauntless. I need to go back."

"Believe me, Naomi," he says, walking to the edge of the sheet wall surrounding my bed. "This is for your own good." He hesitates a moment, and I think he's waiting to see what my reaction will be. He wants to see the fear take over and control me. "I'll be back for you tomorrow."

His words aren't reassuring. They're a threat.

And now I am alone, in a hospital bed, in the middle of Erudite territory, and they have my blood.

I have to get out of here.

But I can't. There are restraints on my feet and both my hands. As I pull and tug at them, it doesn't take me long to realize I could never break through them with brute strength. I try slipping my wrists through, but they're too wide and the restraints are skin tight. They knew they were putting a Dauntless in this bed. I look around for something to cut with, but the trays are all too far away, and they're filled with nothing but bandages.

It looks like I'll be spending the night.

I think about Roe and Simon and Victor and Oliver back in Dauntless. They've all found out by now that Benjamin is dead. I wonder who told them. I hope it was Zak. Zak would have been kind with the news. But then, I think that Zak might be here somewhere in this hospital. I saw her bending over Vincent just a couple moments before the blast went off. He looked like he'd gotten too close. Maybe it wasn't as bad as it looks, but I hope he's all right. She deserves to have someone. Zak is the most Dauntless person I have yet to meet here.

Roe is probably crying. She was telling riddles to Benjamin last night when we were getting our tattoos. The Amity love rhymes and riddles, but Candor despise anything that twists or distorts the truth. He couldn't figure out any of them, but I think he appreciated Roe helping him break that connection with his faction. And she did it with laughter and smiles, like she always does.

I wonder how Victor is doing. He's lost his friend, one that he grew up with, his last link home. Today, I probably broke his nose and his heart. I wouldn't be surprised if he hates me when I go back.

Oliver. He's probably happy there's only twelve of us now. The odds are stacked even higher in his favor. Only two people have to go now.

I'm interrupted by the sheet stirring. I find it ironic and a little morbid that I hope it's Joss coming back, saying that he's changed his mind and he's taking me back. But the person wears blue and holds another needle. "My name is Silas Matthews," he says like that's supposed to comfort me. You know my name, I know yours – now we're friends. "Please don't resist," he says calmly as he bends down to examine my arm. Which vein is plump and juicy and has the most blood? Which of your arteries can I exploit this time? His blue coat has three more of those needles lined up, like birds on a telephone line.

"Don't I just have a concussion?" I ask. Why in the world do they need so much of my blood?

"We need to make sure you haven't suffered from smoke inhalation," he explains calmly, and I feel the cold pressure of the needle against my arm. "A blood count will tell us if you have suffered asphyxiation or require more oxygen to be delivered to your blood stream."

I suppose that makes sense. At least he explains himself this time. I can choose to be afraid, or I can control my fear. It is as simple as that. "Thank you."

He has already gone.

I look down at my hand and the needle in it now. "Thank you very much."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

I have been picking at these restraints for hours now. The light above my head faded slowly until it was completely put out. I guess that means it's nighttime and we are all supposed to go to sleep. Silas hasn't come back to check on me. He looked familiar for some reason, but I haven't given it much thought. I don't know anyone from Erudite except for the man who took my aptitude test. And he isn't him, so it doesn't matter. All that matters for the moment is getting out of these restraints.

I'm going home.

It's funny – I hadn't thought of Dauntless as my home. But that's what I think before I think of Abnegation even. I'm beginning to think that for all of the bad things that have happened since I transferred, it was still right.

I am halfway through the restraint on my left hand when the needle breaks. I resist the urge to scream out loud, and then throw my head back against the pillow. I don't think my concussion is as bad as they think – besides the dull ache at the base of my skull, my brain seems to be working just fine. But I suppose if it wasn't, I'd be the last person to know. Regardless, my one and only plan has just failed.

That's when I see the sheet draw back, and even in the dark, there is an outline hovering at the edge of my vision. "Who's there?" I whisper. No, wait. I didn't whisper. My voice is caught in my throat because I am afraid it is the Erudite, and he has come to take me to a dark room in the heart of Erudite to be studied.

"Guys!" I hear the hoarse whisper of someone I know. That sounds like Jack. "I found her! She's over here!"

The Dauntless are good at being loud, but they're also good at stealth. Three more figures file in, but I can't recognize them in the dark. Someone slips their hand in mine. "We're here to rescue you!"

Roe. I want to cry I am so relieved. "You guys shouldn't be here."

"Hey Tom, you could just say thanks," Jack hits my shoulder, then pats me. "Sorry, I'm not sure where you're hurt." It's a little strange to hear a Dauntless apologize for causing someone pain.

"She has a concussion. That's in her head." Simon's analytical answer is just what I needed to hear.

"Come on let's get her out before you all wake every Erudite around." Of everyone who has come to save me, I think I am most surprised and most comforted that Zeb came. He undoes the restraint I've been working through and then gets my legs.

Roe gets the ones on her side while Simon and Jack go to the sheet door and peer out. "All clear," Jack whispers. Roe helps me sit up with her hand behind my head, but the second I'm all the way up, I find out what having a concussion really feels like. When I swing my legs around and stand up, I'm wobbly and lightheaded.

"Can you carry her?" I hear Roe ask. I could slap her.

"Uh," Zeb hesitates, "Do you think you can walk?"

"Yes," I snap, not meaning to, more at Roe than at him. "Let's go."

We start out, but I don't get farther than the foot of the bed before I fall, and I would have fallen right onto the metal tray in front of me and woken every person in the city if Zeb hadn't caught me. "No offense, but you're a liar," he says as he scoops me up.

I don't respond. I'm a little too overwhelmed by the fact that I can feel his heartbeat, his breath, and his muscles tensing as he carries me. I think I want to be put down. But I also think I want to stay here. Not because he smells good, but because he is good. He is one of my friends who broke into the Erudite hospital to rescue me from doctors who are probably doing their best to help me feel better. But they came and saved me anyways. He came.

We pass many rooms of walled in sheets, but one is open. I see in the dark that one person is large, and lies in bed, and one is small, and sits beside him with her hand in his, and her head on his chest. They're both asleep. I catch a flash of pink, and then I can't see them anymore.

We go down a flight of stairs, and come to a door. Simon works at a keypad by it – there isn't a lock, not like we have in Dauntless, or even in Abnegation. It glows as he works, and then something clicks and the door opens. And we are free at last. "I think you can put me down now."

Zeb obeys, but he keeps his arm around my shoulders. "Just let me help you."

I want to walk by myself, I want to get away from this boy who makes me feel like I am burning up inside, like every member of my body has turned to fire, and he is water. I don't want to need him. I want to do it on my own. But right now, I can't. "Thanks."

The others are ahead of us, scouting as we travel through the shadows in the overhangs in the buildings."For what?"

"For coming back for me."

He shrugs. "It was Roe's idea." I can hear that he is trying not to give himself credit, and that endears him to me even more. "She said something wasn't right, and we had to go get you."

I don't know how she knew, but I know I've found true friends in Dauntless. I don't want to lose any of them ever. Not like we've lost Benjamin. "Is Lux…?"

"He's fine. He has a thick skull." He laughs a little, and then he checks his watch. "We have got to stop meeting like this, Naomi."

I'm not sure what that means. "What?"

"Three o'clock in the morning. I haven't gotten any sleep since you showed up at Dauntless." In the darkness, I can see him smiling. Then he stops. "Joss shouldn't have left you there like that. I don't know what gets into his head sometimes."

"He wants me to face my fears."

Zeb frowns. "What are you afraid of?"

Several answers run through my head. "I…" I want to tell him. I want to tell someone, but I don't know what I would say. Would he think it's just stupid, and think I'm childish for being afraid of having two aptitudes, and what it means for me?

I don't get the chance to answer him because he says. "It's all right, you don't have to tell me. I shouldn't have asked," his words are so blunt and clipped that I think he's hurt, but I don't know why. I might have told him if he'd given me a few more seconds to think. But now, the urge to tell him has passed and I don't want to tell him anyways. "We're here."

"Where?"

Roe, Jack, and Simon beckon us forward, the path clear. Then Zeb hands a key to Roe, and she unlocks a door on the nearest building. Then we slip inside and disappear beneath ground. "This is an old Dauntless escape route," Zeb explains. "It doesn't get used anymore."

"How do you have all these keys?"

"My father. He's one of the Dauntless leaders."

"Which one?"

"Freddy Prior."

I think back to the confrontation between him and Joss. I never would have guessed Freddy was their father. "Oh."

Everyone is quiet until we exit the tunnel and come out on the far side of the Pit. I turn to say thank you to Zeb and Jack, but they've already disappeared. Roe takes one side, and Simon takes the other, and together, we make it back to our room. "How did you know?"

"That we needed to go get you?" Roe laughs. "Joss had the creepiest face on at dinner. I swear, it was like he was happy you were there. I knew we had to do something."

"Benjamin is dead."

Roe stops laughing. I think I hear her sniff, but it's too dark to see her face in the space between lamps. "It's not your fault, Naomi."

The way that she feels she has to assure me it isn't makes me feel even more guilty. I wanted to cry in front of Joss, but I couldn't. Now, I'm among friends and the tears come quietly. I can't keep them in anymore. They're tears for my family, for Benjamin, tears of fear. Once they start, I can't stop them, and when we get back to the room, they help me in bed, and then Roe sits at my side. She strokes my hair and it just makes me cry more because it makes me think of my mother, and how she would sit on my bed and comb her fingers through my hair when I was sick. She said she was brushing away the pain so I could sleep. That's what I imagine this is, and for the first time since I have come to Dauntless, I am asleep after three o'clock in the morning.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

"What is she doing here?"

I wake up to one of my least favorite voices this morning, and I wish that I didn't. Every bone, muscle, tissue, fiber, and cell in my body is in pain. I may have only hit my head, but I jarred every inch of my body, and when I take off the covers and look down at my body – I slept in my shirt and underwear – I am covered in bruises so much that I look more blue, black, green, and yellow than white. I look like a painting gone terribly wrong.

"Leave her alone, Oliver," I hear Roe is already awake, and then I wonder what time it is if I am asleep and the others are already up.

"Joss is going to freak when he gets to Erudite headquarters and she isn't there," he insists. "She's going to get all of us in trouble!"

Simon strides over and thrusts some sort of paper in Oliver's nose. "Not when he sees this."

Oliver grabs it away from him, then reads it with spite top full in his eyes. "Where did you get this?"

"Her release from the hospital, idiot. Can't you read?" Simon answers curtly, then takes the paper back from him and hands it to me. "Come on, we need to get you to breakfast so Joss sees you before he leaves."

I don't want to see Joss, and I don't really know what Simon has planned, but I sit up and reach over to get my clothes. I stop halfway through the motion and just hang there with my arm outstretched like a frozen idiot as I fight against all of my sore muscles and the throbbing in my head that sounds like a drum playing midget has taken up residence in my skull.

Roe is already at my side. "You don't look so good, Naomi."

"I'll be okay." I manage to reach my pants and start to pull them on. "What is Simon talking about?"

She grabs my jacket and helps me slip it on. "Well I knew that we couldn't just break in and get you out without some kind of repercussion. That's why I needed Mr. Genius' help. He got a release slip and forged a doctor's signature so it looks like the Erudites sent you home late last night."

I resist the urge to laugh, because that is a plan full of holes. "That is never going to fly, Roe."

"Get your shoes on, Naomi!"

I do. I get my shoes on and ignore Oliver's glare. I'm also painfully aware that Victor is not here today. He must still be in the infirmary, recovering from whatever injuries I gave him. I wonder if he even knows about Benjamin yet. Then Roe and Simon help me up and we get to the Pit in time for breakfast. Every step is like stepping on broken glass and wading through electricity. We manage to sit down just before Joss walks in. I don't see him before I feel him, feel him glaring at the back of my head. "What are you doing here?" He asks as he stands behind me. His voice is loud enough to break glass, and quiet enough to fill that deep, deep dread inside of me that tells me yes, I am afraid of him.

"They sent me home." I pull the slip from my jacket and give it to him. "I'm fine."

He looks at me with fury in his eyes and then reads the slip. It doesn't look like he really paid attention to the words at all, because when he hands it back to me, his eyes look so empty. "Really?"

"Yes. I convinced them to let me go because I'm fine." I say, and anger like wildfire rises in my chest. I should be afraid of him, afraid of what he could do to me. Afraid of what he did do. Afraid of what Erudite might know now. "No thanks to you."

I hope he's disappointed. I think he really wanted to see me break. But all he says is, "Careful, Naomi," then turns to Roe and Simon. "Be in the training room at eight."

"Tell me, girlfriend," Roe leans over. "Do you want your brains all over the wall? Because I just stayed up most of the night saving your ass. Let me know next time if you have a death wish!"

"You can't rile him, Naomi," Simon agrees. "It's what he wants."

"So, you're saying that because he's Dauntless and fearless, we should just let him push us around?" I look at them, both their dark eyes probing mine, and I know that they're probably right. But I'm tired of being afraid here. Joss wants me to be fearless; he believed it when he said he left me in Erudite for my own good. And I think that it worked. "I'm not afraid of him."

"Maybe you should be. Fear can be healthy," Simon notes. I know he is trying to be careful, and I also understand why. He doesn't want to get in Joss' way because he has someone to protect.

But unlike him, I don't. "Okay."

I feel like everyone at the table was holding their breath. Then Roe puts her head on Simon's shoulder and nibbles on her food. I don't think I would be hungry either if my stomach was beaten to a pulp yesterday either. I'm amazed that while Roe may have lost her fight, she hasn't lost an iota of her spirit.

Oliver sits down with us. "Where have you been?" Simon asks him.

"Infirmary," he answers brusquely, then motions over his shoulder.

I look just as Victor sits down next to Roe. His nose is bandaged; I must have been right about breaking it. And like the majority of my own body, he's more black and blue than anything, but his skin tone hides it better than mine. "How are you?" I venture.

He looks at me, and he doesn't look like the same Victor we sat joking with a day ago. He doesn't look like the same Victor who wanted to get a third eye tattooed on his head. He looks like he's been broken, and someone poured liquid fire in the cracks. "Don't talk to me."

If he had physically taken a knife to my chest, I don't think it would have hurt worse. "I'm sorry about the fight."

"You think I care about the fight?" He practically hisses as he speaks. "You got lucky because I underestimated you, but that won't happen again. As a matter of fact, the next chance I get, I won't give you the chance to concede. I'll kill you for what you did to Benjamin."

"I didn't ask him to follow me, Victor." I am telling myself more than I am telling him. I really don't even want to argue the point. He's right. My recklessness led to death. And I will never live it down.

"You shouldn't get involved in things over your head, Stiff. And my friend had to pay for your mistake." Victor rises in his seat, like he might try something, here, in front of a hundred Dauntless. I wait for Simon or Roe, even for Oliver to say something, but they're all silent. "His blood is all over you."

Maybe it won't be today, but I know that the hate in his eyes means that he will try. With one whirlwind decision, I have killed a person and made an enemy.

He wants to kill me.

I'm ready for him to try.

Now that there are only five of us, we are unevenly matched. Someone won't fight today. Joss had written the pairings on the board by the time we got there, and I wasn't sure if I should be thrilled or not that I was the odd man out. But when I see that the matches are Oliver and Victor and then Simon and Roe, I know that Joss did it on purpose. I feel like he's trying to separate me, make me feel like an outsider, watching as he makes the wounded battle the victor and then pits the lovers against each other. I would understand his tactics if he did it to make us stronger. But he does it for one reason. He is cruel.

When Zak comes in, I don't think I can look her in the eye. This happened because I disobeyed her. I followed her where I should have stayed. And she has every right to eat me out in front of everyone. Maybe we will have three fights today after all. Maybe they'll eliminate me for my recklessness. No, they wouldn't do that – that's exactly how they've taught us to be.

She doesn't speak to me. I'm not surprised. She goes straight to Joss, and even though I can tell she is exhausted, her voice is loud and firm when she speaks. "We're not doing this today."

"Not doing what?" He turns away from her, erasing a fleck of discordant white from the board.

"The fights. They lost a transfer yesterday and you're going to have them beat each other up? That's not what Dauntless is about," Zak tries to whisper, probably so we won't get involved, or know that she's standing up for us, but her voice is too passionate to hide her words. "We'll work on form today," she insists.

"If you want them to stand a fighting chance in eliminations, they need to keep working," Joss argues, just as loudly.

"And I agree with you. They'll pick up the fights tomorrow. We'll work on other things today." She turns away from him before he can even argue anymore.

I want to ask her how Vincent is. I want to ask her what happened. But I don't think I should say anything. I want to crawl in a hole where no one can see me and stay there. I feel as if every person in this room has a reason to hate me. I know somewhere in my heart that isn't true, but my fear is growing by the minute. I have to get myself under control.

There is a crash as Zak pulls down a large box and drops it on the floor. Then she picks up a handful of shiny metal – knives. She throws one and it imbeds itself in the wall directly above Joss' head. He didn't flinch. He just reaches up and pulls it out of the wall, then begins flipping it through his fingers as Zak speaks. "Today, we learn knife throwing. It requires physical strength, motor skill, dexterity, coordination, concentration, and practice."

There are several targets, and we all line up. There is a whizzing sound and Simon yelps. Then another, and Victor jumps. Oliver almost gets his foot nailed to the floor because he moves. Roe giggles nervously, and I tell myself not to flinch. Imbedded in the floor by our feet, Zak has tossed us each a knife. I think she's feeling a little aggressive today. As I bend to pull mine out of the floor board, I see Joss walk over to Zak and take the box.

He must agree.

Joss gives us each about ten knives, and then they both show how to throw them. It's all in the spin, the flick of the hand that gives it it's momentum and curvature. Zak and Joss both fill their bulls eyes, but I think Zak is better. She is faster and more graceful, like a lethal dancer. Unlike Joss, who is just fierce. And Zak is fierce, but she's also thoughtful. I see it in how Joss throws like it is all about the kill. When Zak does the same thing, I can tell that she is thinking about more. How she is controlling the knife, how it will enter, exactly what she wants it to do, it does.

My first knife bounces off the target because it strikes with the blunt end. I feel like Joss is at my side almost instantly. "Pick up the next knife," he states.

I do so. "Which part is heavier: the blade or the handle?"  
I heft it and realize the blade is heavier.

"You threw handle first. The weight has to be thrown first." He stands back, and I realize he is waiting for me to try again.

I throw, and again, the knife clatters away. "You're throwing it too much."

"How can I throw something 'too much'?" I ask, and I make sure he can hear the sarcasm.

"Less throw, more slip." He turns to walk away, and I'm thankful he's going to leave me alone. I would have figured it out.

But then I hear his heavy footfalls come back. "About last night." He stops.

I wait for him to continue, staring at the target in front of me, gripping the knife in my hand. I don't want him to ask me anything else. But I don't think he'll finish and leave me be until I look at him. So I turn my face up towards him and tell myself to breathe. "What about last night?"

A small smile pulls his mouth up. "It's just good to see the Dauntless in you come out." As he walks away, there's some kind of pride in his step, as if he can take credit for my bravery. And now I'm confused, because my theory was that he wanted to see me afraid. Now, he wants to see me brave? It must be in his instinct to push, to push to the breaking point to see what happens when my Abnegation shell comes off. What will be underneath: a hero or a coward?

I look over at Roe, who is throwing her knives. She's already figured out how to make them stick, and she's steadily working her way to the inside of her target, inching towards the bulls eye. She's focused.

I didn't need to be brave last night. I just needed my friends.

This time when I throw, I watch Roe. She's shifting her weight as her arm comes forward to the foot in front of her, not releasing the knife until her arm is straight. I have been putting too much force behind my throw, like trying to throw a punch. This is more about finesse. I think I understand what Joss meant by 'slip' now; I just need to let the knife fly.

So I let it. And by the thunk in my target, I know that it worked.

Footfalls behind me again, and I grab the next knife rather than turn to face him. I know that one was better and that I've gotten the hang of it. I don't need him to tell me.

But when someone grabs my arm, I can tell right away it isn't Joss. I look over my shoulder at Zak. "Hi."

"I need to talk to you." She leans in. "Later. I'll find you."

Dread settles in my stomach. Perhaps she'd rather eat me out in private. Maybe I should thank her. "Okay."

She looks up at my target, then down at my knife. "Good throw. Remember to aim higher than your intended target, work with gravity, Naomi."

"Thanks."

She nods, then moves on.

I throw and I throw. I'm surprised by how little force I need to hit the target. It's different than aiming a gun, but it comes quickly. "Naomi, look what I can do!"

Roe throws another knife, and I look at her target. It's more like, what she has already done; she's spelled out an 'S' on her target with her knives, jagged, but legible. It's not a stretch for me to imagine what inspired her tribute. "That's great!"

"Everyone stop so you can retrieve your knives," Zak says. We've done that about twelve times already. I wonder how long we will do this. Until we're perfect, I suppose.

When I bend down to pick up a blade that I threw too hard and missed, something whizzes past my head. I feel my hair rustle, and when I jerk my head back, I can't, because a mass of my hair is pinned to the wall. I pull out the knife, and look up to see Oliver smirking at me. "Sorry," he reaches out his hand towards me. "Must have slipped."

I hear a snicker, and realize it's Victor. Is this how it's going to be now? I stand and place the knife in Oliver's hand, blade facing down, just a little too hard. When I hear him seethe, I say, "Sorry. Must have slipped."

"Problem?" We look up to see Joss watching us.

"No problem," I announce.

I have a big problem. Two of my teammates want to kill me. And I don't really know what's worse: wondering what they'll do next, or the thought that I probably deserve it.


End file.
